How to Become a Super-Star in 2018

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Pingu, May 29, 2018.

  1. NOOT NOOT, fellow tappers and tapirs!

    To-day Pingu's going to be giving out some free (yes! You read that correctly!) FREE tips on how to become a world famous super-star as quick as next Tuesday (subject to terms and conditions, willingness, and knowing the right people beforehand).

    So! Let's get this party started! Or, leave and tell me to just shut up shut up, just shut up shut up, just shut up, shut up.

    This is a clue by the way. Repetition! The trick to to-day’s (or to-night’s, depending on what time-zone you are in) music seems to be all about the repeat.

    Let’s start with lesson one!

    Invent lots of weird noises or an alien language and just repeat it over and over to a pretty easy melody.

    I’m going to suggest that you practice saying ‘Brrrrr’ with an extended tongue to really get those mouth muscles a-movin’.

    Now to add on some cool guy head wobbles to top up the look.

    Well done! Give yourself a clap! You can now be as fly as Vitas and receive some pretty amazing VIP treatment from the Kremlin. Hello holiday home in Kamchatka!

    Okay! Now, once you’ve got the hang of this, I suggest you go on to the next level.

    WARNING! DO NOT follow this next bit of advice unless you can handle being as famous as Rihanna. You will lose much of your rights to a private life if you continue with this next step, as you will become a star. The upside is that you’ll get a load of free stuff from sponsors, so yey! But, don’t say I didn’t warn you if you start getting papp’d when all you want to do is enjoy your Happy Meal in peace.

    This time, we need to start with a word that we can repeat the last syllable of. Preferably, it’s ‘na’. This can be ‘Havana’, for example. So, we can go, ‘Hey, Havana, ooh-na na. Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh-na na’.

    Now wiggle that butt and try it yourself. Make sure to do it in front of a mirror with a very serious face, so you can rest assure that you aren’t making yourself look like a complete banana (oh! I just gave you a lyric to go ‘na na na’ at the end of! You’re welcome. Just remember me when you sell out your first stadium).

    Or, just say ‘Ooh na na’ before any repeated lyric! For example, dearest Ri-Ri says such profound lyrics as ‘Ooh na na, what’s my name? Ooh na na, what’s my name?’ Over an over throughout an entire song and it sold a bajillion copies over night.

    However, we don’t necessarily have to go down the ‘na na’ route. We could just simply say another noun with hilarious syllables. Take UMBRELLA for example. ‘Ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh eh eh eh eh’ is just as wonderful as anything anyone has ever heard in a song and it will outsell any other meaningful song that gets in its way.

    By now, you should be raking in cash-dollah and thinking about finally installing a slide that goes from your bedroom all the way down to a ball-pool in your basement.

    However, just in case this isn’t enough and you want the same crib set-up as Pee Wee Herman with the bike to match

    then we go on to your final tip of the day:


    That’s right KaW friends and foes! You too can be a super-saiyan singer!

    ‘How?’ you ask? Well! By the simple act of repeating whole sentences! Complicated, I know! But, that’s why it’s not for beginners and it’s the final lesson!

    A small caution: repeating whole sentences can get you tongue-tied which is a severe injury that causes mild-to-huge embarrassment, especially when doing your first Super Bowl half time show (which you WILL be doing if you’ve been following Pingu’s instructions clearly).

    Find a powerful statement that makes you feel empowered and strong and independent and say it over and over again to yourself. Then, drop a beat and start shouting it and stomping your feet.

    Yes! You’ve got it! You’re evolving into a rhinoceros, baby!! Let’s go!!!

    ‘Who run the world? GIRLS! Who run the world? GURLS GURLS. Who run the world? Girls!!! Who run the world? GIRLS GIRLS!!’ x7,002

    Yeah!!! Wooh! NOOT NOOOOOOOT!!!

    Look out your window! See that sea of people looking up at you screaming your name? You got fans all over the world!

    So, if you have a man and he want ‘it’. You now have all the snobbery rights to start being all demanding and saying ‘if you want it, you gotta put a ring on it’. Say it over and over to your man! Want it? Put a ring on it. Hell! Since you keep saying it in such a strong and independent way, why not put a beat to it and also record that just for an extra billion dollars spending money for nobs and xtals?

    Well done! You’re now an international super star. Give yourself a clap and a pat on the back. All you had to do was repeat things over and over. Pah! Were you really trying to think of meaningful lyrics? That’s a rookie move, sports fan! :D

    Pingu pities the fool!

    So, please let me know what being as rich as the kid from ‘Blank Check’ feels like. I accept thank wall arts, too.

    Also, if you have any tips from absolute pro-lyricists who sing their hearts out and pour their souls into songs like ‘tell me rude boy boy’ and ‘werk werk werk werk’, please add them to this thread as helping see fellow KaWers and KaWees become superstars in their spare time outside of EBing is a passion of mine.
  2. Thanks for the advice
  3. Enjoy your bathtubs full of yen
  4. Instructions unclear, still homeless
  5. Weirdest crap I’ve seen thus far
  6. 
  7. Why are none of the photo examples of people who got famous/achieved superstardom in 2018 though? :(

  8. Vitas is all over the 'net! Fresh in 2018.
    Brrrrrra ha ha!!
  9. But the video you cited for him is pretty old :lol:
  10. I mean this 2010s style pretty much seems to be the winning formula time and time again. Use Pingu’s tips to become a star this year!
  11. You have to read the small print first!
  12. I tried to follow all of these tips, but I think I messed up because I accidentally plagiarized Gucci gang