. Well.. In chapter two, it's still part of the introductory to characters, good not to jump too far ahead.. This shows the characteristics of Eleanor, knowing that she has a weakness. This allows us to relate to her in a way, that some may feel sympathetic towards her. Another great thing you did was describing the environments really well- I can see some of it happening, but was wondering if it will later be revealed why their district is a primary target... . However, there was one part of it I felt wasn't really detailed.. The part describing the setting as same old-same old.. Then it jumps to talking about the 3% that were opposed to Aluta.. This confused me.. There looked like no indication of whether they played or not, and the transition was a bit fast.. You could easily add more. Regardless, the techniques that you apply in the story are fantastic, IMO. -dwei
Patrick Male 17 Real life(for story) Lean 5 foot 4 in dark blue hair, one blue eye one red eye covered by blond hair. Game:Tall (6 foot 3 in) white hair that hangs over eyes to symbolize which personality he is using Dark Elf Weapons: while eye is: Red: Scythe nothing special Blue: staff for healing Armor: light dragon scale armor with no shock resistance( can't be pierced but can be bashed) Personality: Red: Dark, cruel, will not stop unless a human life depends on it, talks when asked to only unless curious Blue: ignores all sense of loneliness and doesn't talk
Real Name: Forest Jake Merenauk Gender: Male Age: 15 Gamer Tag: Hell's Child Appearance: Pure black hair, technically a very dark brown, that half-way covers his dim blue eyes. He is 5"7 and always wears a black jacket and grey jeans. His hair looks a dim, but dark, purplish blue in certain light tones. Game Appearance: Same black hair, but deep purple eyes. He is the same height, and is very, very, slender. Game Race: Dark Elf Class: Assigned based on description/weapons Weapon/Armor: Personality:
^ | Weapons; A bow and arrow set if he is at a long range distance, but if close distance he pulls out two daggers, one having etched in the sharp blade One de Morte meaning 'One of Death' in Latin. In the othet blade, etched into it is Death before Dishonor . The blades both have blackened leather, and threatening sharp edges. The Bow is dark oak with both of the sayings in the bow curve. Armor; Rogue style, and the hood is larger than usual so he can pull it past his eyes without discomfort. In the shoulders there are two obsidian covers. Personality; quiet, sneaky, decieving, persuasive, and thinks before he speaks.
Name: Jonathan Age: 12 Gender: Male Appearance: Average height, blue eyes, freckles around nose, dark brown hair swept to the side. Real-life personality: Friendly, tries to be nice to people, though can get angry if people are mean to him or others for no reason. Gamer tag: j0n-assassin Race: Dark elf In-game appearance: Quite tall, dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, quick and agile, wears a hooded cloak. Weapons: Concealed blades on his wrists (like in Assassin's Cread), throwing knives in belt, crossbow, daggers, light sword for close range, various poisons to dip daggers, concealed blades, throwing knives, crossbow bolts and sword in, a reasonably good knowledge of magic (mostly magic used to kill silently). Armour: He has some light but strong, dwarven chain mail under his cloak (it covers his head as well as body). In-game personality: He is an assassin who works for whoever pays the most, quiet but not to people he knows well, thinks before he does things.
Real name: Hunter Killigan Game name: Killergun12 Gender: male Game gender: male Real appearance: tall blonde muscular Game Race: human Game appearance: similar to real life paladin