I think your a good writer, please continue. Have you, by chance, read ' 52 shades of grey'? I thank you
Good story Etak. I was also reading through the "feedback" and some of the guys were pretty harsh in their criticism, but kudos to you for giving them a nice smile and continuing. I applaud you for that. That's a trait I admire in people and you exemplify that perfectly! Just thought I should say, keep writing! Now to the story. It's a story built on continually appearing questions and suspense (in some of the other parts). The way you write and post your chapters/story perfectly compliments that. Nice job. The plot is an interesting one, and it is hard for me to put a finger on exactly what the primary plot is. I would assume that the plot would be finding a way for Emily to pass on, but I wouldn't be surprised if I were wrong. All in all, at times the story seems to be dragging at parts, but your constant updates help balance that, so overall it's a decent story with a whole lot of potential. Excited to see where this goes and develops into. iZaln
Wow... Thanks for the feedback everybody @ ironfist; no I haven't. But PLEEEASE if it's like my story plz tell me!! @ iZaln; it's kind of the plot? but the real plot hasn't really been disclosed yet, and there's a good bit to go, and another main character to introduce. Ty again.
Can I get one thing straight? Elaname, please don't post basically the same thing three time between chapters. Bilen_(insert letter here), same goes for you; except you're worse! You post more AND with alts. Both of you, please leave ONE comment per chapter. And that's ONE comment for ALL of your accounts, don't spread them over your five alts. /endrant
A long silence followed Jared's statement, and only then did I notice the large black clouds gathering above our heads. But a reckless feeling had overcame me and I found myself saying aloud that I didn't care. No questions were asked. "I guess it's time for my story," I sighed, as thunder roared not too far off in the distance. A nod of agreement from both Celeste and Jared motivated me to tell my story once more... ""I was born in 1946, in Dublin. My parents names were John William Handley, and Mary Brigid Handley. I had no siblings. When I was eight, I moved to Cork. And Celeste," I begged her, expecting some kind of I-thought-I-was-an-only-child meltdown, "I know you will hate me even more now, but I lied to you about something else," I wavered, painstakingly watching her face crumple up like tissue paper, "Because I guess the truth was too hard to admit. You see, my mother had had well, rich parents. When she ran off with my father, whom my granny viewed as a poor, unworthy nuisance of a scumbag, my granny decided to have nothing more to do with them and when the going got tough they weren't to expect a penny from her. My grandfather was much the same. Sure enough, Father ran out of money, and with me now another mouth to feed, it was obviously just too much stress for Mother." I spat, recalling the hard times both my father and I had been through. "Because," I continued, "She left me. The day before my ninth birthday she left me forever. My father couldn't take living even in the same county as her so we ended up moving to Cork, he had family down there, an aunt or someone, I cant remember. He got a job with Éire Ships, and I went with him on all his um, voyages." I mumbled uncertainly. A roll of thunder overhead motivated me to finish my story quickly, though the rain was now bucketing down. "Anyway, when I was sixteen I met Karo, and we became great friends. He got a job as a steward in the same company Father worked in, and we ended up sailing together on The Melissa that fatal day. There was a huge storm and my father soon gave up trying to control the boat, though all the passengers thought differently. I suppose though the boat did crash in one way though, we struck upon some rocks somewhere between America and Ireland, and then all of a sudden, the boat was on fire. Neither Karo, Father or I ever saw how, or even who set the boat on fire. I promised Karo I would get off, go with him, but I never did. My father tried valiantly to save the ship from the flames consuming it, and I went back for him. After the boat went down, with the two of us the only people on it, Karo saw me burn, his wretched broken expression still haunts me to this day. My damned grandmother had to, of course, leak it to the press that my father had crashed the boat in a wild suicide attempt. She had been a journalist in her younger years and people were just dying for some gossip. They believed my grandmother and him got along very well and she said he just "couldn't handle" the divorce and she had known he had been depressed for quite awhile." I sighed, my Father had deserved a medal, no, a trophy for all he had done for my Mother, then she deserts us and crawls back to her [blank blank blank] parents, who would then proceed to brand him as some sort of deranged murderer. "I am very sorry about what is about to happen to you both," I added solemnly, as I watched both Celeste's and Jared's faces go blank as they watched the last moments of my life... The flames leap up around us. We are trapped. I hold tightly onto my father, sobbing uncontrollably onto his shoulder. He whispers words of comfort into my ear, though neither he nor I believes a word he is saying. The boat is going down, and we are going with it. Celeste looked at me shocked. Now she knew what I had to go through every night, the pain, the stinging pain of flames leaping up your bare legs, the horrifying smell of gasoline and the stench of your own burning flesh. The sudden thud as your heart beats for the very last time. She had felt it all. Jared just bit his lips and stared at the sodden ground, pain was no stranger to him, and he had felt Death many times also, trapped forever, never knowing what secrets Death held, never entering the afterlife, like a scratched CD replaying the same sad tune over and over for eternity, never moving on. My head was clogged up with these depressing thoughts when suddenly a jeep passed by, drenching the three of us in rainwater. I groaned with Celeste as the jeep pulled over and out hopped a very red and angry father. Celeste's father. ****yeah sorry haven't been posting for a while. Thanks for the feedback