hhmmm... maybe first i need to figure out WTF IS GOING ON??? cuz idk wats gonna happen anymore than any of u know >.<
no i need to do homework >.< i wanna work on my story *pout* theres school tomorrow WAAAA maybe 2 hour delay? *crosses fingers for 2 hour delay cuz snow day 2 times in a row is too much to ask for*
lol thanx and ikr!? opposable thumbs rock! the point is its confusing most stories give u more info than the characters have, but in my story, u dont know any more than the main charecter (idk her name yet lol i literally dont know anything the readers dont know) lol
The less you know the more of a page turner it is. That's what I think at least. Keep it suttle and mysterious! :mrgreen: (The green one is awesomer than this one> )
lol ya and when the main charecter finds out something u already knew, its not interesting! its more dramatic if u didnt know it, even if u predicted it!
Excellent voice. I could hear the character talking in my head. However: You need to show us not tell us. Don't reveal everything to the reader by words. For instance say "her auburn hair rippled in the sunlight and her deep green eyes glowed with happiness" as opposed to "the girl in front of me had green eyes and reddish hair." You did do well at describing the water. Just describe everything the character sees and feels. Also use more interesting verbs and adjectives. Instead of said, use replied, answered, commented, pleaded, ect. Try using something other than "I blacked out," like, "my whole world went blurry, then faded into darkness" And Kimber is right. Be more subtle
If the character can't see describe the smell of the air, the rough feel of ropes against her wrist and the rush of air outside of the cave. It's an opportunity for some sensory detail