Broken World

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by AVentura123, Apr 3, 2015.

  1. Re: Useless Tears

    Reserved
     
  2. Re: Useless Tears

    I see nobody gave constructive criticism, just noobs hating on this and people hating on the noobs.
    I like the premise of the story. I only read the prologue and last chapter now, but I'll read them all later.
    I would suggest you review the chapters and correct the grammar. There are times, when you don't keep the verb tense. You jump from past to present, excluding the dialogue, because that should be in the present tense. Also there are parts where you're being reluctant, repeating some words too much, try using synonyms instead. The reading will be more enjoyable that way.
    Other than that, it's good. Looking forward to more :)

    Oh after I posted I realised you could also use a few BB codes, like colour, font or different text size xD
    Not mixed together making it look like a circus, but something simple, that will capture the attention
     
  3. Re: Useless Tears

    I am in device but if I am in pc I'll do :)
    And I'll check my story again English wasn't my first language :)
     
  4. Re: Useless Tears

    Neither is mine, so I understand how hard it is to write a story in English. I'm sometimes having problems just with a short explanation, yet again a fiction. Lol
    Also I liked the old name better. The flaming sword makes me think of an adventure or fantasy. When I saw Useless Tears, I thought it would be someone's life story struggling with depression >.>
    Not saying it's bad, I just liked the other one better.
    Also thanks for taking into consideration my opinionī–
     
  5. Re: Useless Tears

    I just read the first few sentences and this is confirmed to be in major editing X(
    Gotta fix the end as well...
     
  6. Re: Broken Blade

    Same. You pay so well you stupid Noob. I don't think I'll ever stop hitting you. Actually. Not ever.

    I bet you cry to your clan in less than a week.
     
  7. Re: Broken Blade

    Funny cause you've hit me zero times
     
  8. Re: Useless Tears

    Great read Ty keep it up ur doing great
     
  9. Sister... do u know y this is boring ?
    1= no spacer
    2= Only words no animations
     
  10. Where do you saw a book with animation? :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Spacer, I'll try to fix that....
     
  11. Re: The Flaming sword

    Am u gonna get forum ban ASAP I'm pretty sure read what they say
     
  12. Okay, you're not writing correctly at all. You're using past and present tense all mixed together. You can't say she did this, then she does this throughout different parts of the story. You need to be more consistent.