Advice Needed (Abnormal)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by -WillyTheDeuce-, Feb 7, 2019.

  1. Hey, KAW...Its been some time.

    How are ya?! For those of you whom I have not met, I am Willy. And I generally post meaningless thoughts, insults, garbage, and/or Copypasta from like 2011 for lulz.

    Normally, I wouldn't ask for advice here, and definitely won't ask anything involving my love life, but this advice involves me needing some "way out there messed-up" advice, and, hey, where better than KAW forums?

    Ok, so, I'm a plumber, and am in school for business.

    This story starts off right after winter break. I had gotten loads of cash from Christmas, and had forgotten to take it out of my wallet after we'd gone shopping.

    So, I'm at school, carrying almost $3000 in my pocket without even realizing it, and I drop my wallet somewhere.

    An hour or so later, when I reach down and feel no wallet in my pocket, I panic, and retrace my steps, finding my empty wallet stashed in a broken wallet, money taken. Only thing left was my Blockbuster card.

    I take this up with the Dean's office, which was a flipping mistake; they proceed to call people up to the office, one at a time, informing the entire school (including whoever stole my cash).

    So, for about 3 and a half months now, I've been contemplating what I'd do to the chump who stole my money. I'd been reading Fight Club (the book the movie is based on) when this first happened, so I was pretty certain on how little human life is worth, and that made me think of all kinds of awesome things to do if I ever found out WHO.

    Guess what, KAW?

    The idiot bragged to one of his friends the other day, and that friend told me. This has been said a lot, but now it is meant to its full extent, I think: do your worst, KAW.

    Oh, tools I have at my disposal:

    An old bottle of syrup of ipecac, which would seem useless, but it's ferment to the point of being lethal.

    A few mercury thermometers, which could be snuck into a drink to make him deedidee for the rest of his life.

    I live in the country. Disposing of a body = no problemo.

    I can make plastic explosives.
  2. Second option.
  3. Phone the police. As that was thieving. Which is a criminal offence. Or just generally comfort him and say you know it was him. Making him make a decision to see if they’d offer to pay it back or face the charges of thieving
  4. Obviously you should Finish Him! Mortal combat style...

    Afterall, you don’t want your street cred to be ruined!
  5. Blockbuster still exists?
  6. Willy, bro, I'm laughing my arse off. . I'm with ash, 2 nf option. But I'd prefer the face-to-face method and beat him to a pulp.

    Cheers 
  7. Yeah? Didn't know that. Duce, where you at? Or what time u living in 
  8. Dude..why did you take me serious?
  9. Who tf gets $3,000 cash for Christmas? 
  10. Guess somebody never heard the phrase "finders keepers, losers weepers". . Also I'd mask up an take it out his booty.
  11. Lick his ears and rub his elbows
  12. Tips Goat. When you're a plumber and project so much mojo like me, people stuff $20's in my plumbers crack.
  13. Stomp his dog flat and slide it under his front door
  14. Idk I’m just hoping my dad comes back from getting milk
  15. It’s only been 312 months
  16. Follow him home to find out where he lives. Then sneak in middle of the night. Scatter legos all between his bedroom and bathroom. Profit.
  17. Who the hell carries 3k around at work ? Drug dealers need not reply.
  18. What...dont you guys keep sentimental things in your wallet?
  19. This method, though useful in most 3rd world countries, would not apply here. We are trying to be stealthy here Pharta.

  20. It may be taken out of context, but I saw your hidden code and knew what you was saying.