A wandering idiot

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Lonesong, Jun 5, 2017.

  1. Foam splattered on the bar as the innkeeper brought down a frothing mug of ale in front of Lone. He sighed. It had been a long, fruitless day.

    It started out well enough though. Lone woke up in the guild early that day, ready for the upcoming work as an elite spy for his Royal Highness. Lone had been training all his life, and had gone on countless raids, each being better than the last. He had racked up years of experience, and he and his guild mates had grown close. However, today's raid was different.

    It had been spoiled. By one stupid villager.

    Looking back on it was hard. How could this happen? To a spy like himself, raids were a walk in the park for Lone, given his years of training and experience.

    Lone was gathered outside of the kingdom's walls with all of his other spy friends. They all knew what they had to do. All their king had to do was give the order, and they would jump into action, relieving the enemy kingdom of its valuable gold. For the king, it was as simple as tapping a button.

    The order came, and the group of spies started working their way into the kingdom. Past the outer walls, and into the inner village, everything had been going smoothly.

    Their progress halted when they turned a corner and ran straight into a wandering villager.

    It was straight out of one of those plays Lone loved to go see on the weekends. All the spies, surprised by this sudden obstacle, stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the villager. The villager dropped his bag of parcels, and stood wide-eyed at the group in front of him. Then he screamed once. A high-pitched, girl-like yell. Then he screamed again, this time a whole octave higher, causing some of the spies to cover their ears. Then he turned and ran, shouting for the guards.

    Well crap, Lone thought in his head. "Everyone give me a second, I'll take him out, then we can keep going," he said to the group. This little incident wasn't going to ruin their raid. It was just going to slow the group down a little, that was all. Standing tall, Lone slid a knife out of its sheath that was attached to his vest. Luckily, the villager had run straight, choosing not to turn left or right into an alley so that he could escape from the group of spies, highlighting his idiocy. Lone almost felt sorry for him as he pulled his hand back, aiming for his target. Lone was exceptional at throwing knives. He almost never missed a shot. Plus it made him look super cool, he has used his skills in the past to impress a few ladies.

    Lone threw the knife. It was a perfect release, and the knife arced through the air towards the villager. At the last second however, the villager fell down, and Lone's knife whizzed into the darkness above him.

    You're kidding me, right, Lone thought to himself. That idiot villager just tripped on nothing. The lucky moron just escaped death by pure luck and uncoordination. Lone could hear Charles Darwin laughing at him from the future. The villager got up, looked back at the group of spies, his face covered in feces. He began to run again, disappearing around a corner, all the while shouting for the guards.

    "Crap," Lone said. The spies looked at eachother. Then they all began to sprint after the villager. They weren't about to let their raid be spoiled. Rounding the corner the spies began to close in on the villager when he clumsily knocked into a market stand, bringing it down across the path and tripping multiple spies in the process. More spies hounded after him, chasing him through the alleys and paths of the inner village. Finally, the villager charged into the town square, where he kneeled down onto the cobblestone, panting and wheezing.

    Thank Apheriun, Lone thought. About time this idiot gave up. Lone began to approach the man when he saw the glint of armor in the moonlight out of the corner of his eye. The guards had come. This loud idiot had apparently lived and yelled long enough for the guards to catch on and come to his aid. Lone stopped dead in his tracks. He and his crew weren't outfitted to deal with armed soldiers, even if they were mundane city guards. To his left, even more guards spilled out of a side alley, wielding spears and preparing themselves. The villager sniffled on the ground, wiping the feces out of his eyes.

    Lone turned and ran as fast as he could, spewing profanity as he went. He went back the way he had came while he was chasing the villager, while hearing some of his slower comrades being caught or slain by the city guard behind him. Soon enough Lone rounded the corner where his knife was buried in the wall. He grabbed it and kept on running. He wasn't about to waste a good knife.

    Eventually Lone escaped the city and regrouped outside with his spymates. Defeated and tired from the chase, they headed back to their kingdom. As Lone was walking back to his guild, he passed a tavern and figured a mug would be pretty damn good right about now.

    And that is how Lone's raid was thwarted, by one idiot wandering villager.
  2. ashes liked it, i win.
  3. It's pretty good.. totally captures the vibes of getting frustrated on Kaw and needing a beer
  5. Typo found
  6. fixed, youre a saint, thank you.
  7. Is that another typo or am I being stupid? "Felt like a figured a mug"

    Nice thread though.
  8. Not all those who wander are lost
  9. yep thats a typo i go back on what i write a lot and forget to delete it sometimes lol thank you