A Day In The Life Of The Wandering Villager: A TRUE STORY!!!

Discussion in 'Best Of' started by xXP_3Xx_CHAD_xXP_3Xx, Aug 7, 2010.

  1. The following is an excerpt from my new book titled:

    "God Dammit, Where The Hell Did You Come From!!!??!!!: A Biography of Wandering Villager Joe"

    The Cunning Speed and Lightning Swift Maneuvers of the Assassin, make him impossible to spot. Years of FREAKING  EXPENSIVE Training in the Dark Guilds of Harvard, have turned these once, USELESS SCOUTS, into Full fledge BAMF ASSASSINS. 

    They posses godly abilities, that SHOULD make any Human, cower in fear. But unfortunately, these UBER EPIC BEASTS are at the mercy of.......


    Joe, is a man. Just a normal, everyday, 9am-5pm slave to society. He has no real skills. Although, he is a Professional Jack Ass, and Is the only person to be fired from 6 jobs at the same time, all within 20mins of being hired, on Christmas.

    Joe, sucks massive PeePee. (keeping it PG)

    You would think after failing the 3rd Grade 18 times, he might start to do something productive in his life.

    Joe did more than that. Joe took on 117,000 BAMF DARK ASSASSINS, and he didn't even know it.

    Joe was watching, "Days of our Lives" (his favorite soap opera) unaware to the fact that 117,000 BAMF DARK ASSASSINS were waiting in the shadows. 

    Joe went through 3 boxes of tissues that episode, and as he reached for the Next box, he heard a loud obnoxious *Sniffle*.

    Oh NO! One Of the BAMF DARK ASSASSINS was emotionally attached to Day time t.v. And couldn't help but start crying when he saw Steve kill Mark, for sleeping with his Lady Friend Jessica.

    They were doomed!!! The 117,000 BAMF DARK ASSASSINS were so terrified that an estimated 11,000 killed themselves for no apparent reason and the other remaining 106,000 left Joe a letter on his toliet seat, knowing he would have to move it to go.

    11,000 Dead Spies, lay astrewn throughout his mother's Tiny 500sq.ft. Apartment. 

    Joe will surely notice them!

    But, joe lacks the ability to "Think" so when he made his next trip to the bathroom, he didn't pay any attention to the dead bodies that now covered the ground.

    The Letter! He will surely see this! 

    Again, Joe failed the 3rd grade 18 times, and had to cheat his way through kindergarten-2nd grade. 

    He can't read.

    He lifted the seat and the letter fell to the ground. It read:

    "yo Joe, this is (insert specific kingdom name)'s BAMF DARK ASSASSINS. just wanted to let ya know we tried to steal from you. Here is our address. Stay in touch."

    ---Yours Truly (Insert Specific Kingdom Name)'s BAMF DARK ASSASSINS

    Obviously this must be EXACTLY what happens when one of these F'ers catch you. It Makes Total Sense Right?
  2. This is so funny I cryed
  3. LOL. Haha nice chad
  4. haha this made me laugh, good story chad!
  5. When does this book come out and where can I buy it?
  6. My guys name is jeff u should meet him sometime
  7. Very good story =D
  8. Might as well be Chad not Joe 
  9. :lol: roflmfao omg chad this is just 2 funny hahahaha i was laughin so hard i knew it was gone b funny when i read the title anytime some1 tlks bout the wondering villager i know its bad cause every1 hates that fu-cker lol :lol:
  10.  hilarious 
    I think my spies are deathly attached to forum dramas and couldn't resist Joe.
  11. Never knew u were a non fiction writer
  13. Wait till I release the excerpt from Book #2 titled:

    "900M!!!!! HOLY HELL BATMAN!!!!: A Noob's Guide To Making Money As A Spy."

    With special guest appearances by Wandering Villager Joe!
  14. Sounds good! ^_^
  15. Ipitythefoo wants to know what the wandering villager is.
  16. I may not be a pure spy, but I damn well use my spies for what they meant to do.

    No lie, I went into active topics and saw the title and was like "I HAVE to read this," and Im damn glad I did lmfao

    Can't wait for the sequel! XD
  17. I'm thinking sometime early morning or tomorrow night for the preview of the sequel.