2017 Seal Giveaway

Discussion in 'Other KaW Discussion' started by _ZE_FireKTN_MP_, Dec 10, 2016.

  1. My friend was making bird puns then I learned toucan play at that game
  2. It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
  3. I turned 17 recently, and my parents tried to surprise me with a car as I was coming back from college.

    Unfortunately they missed
  4. One afternoon I sat in the stands and watched the Dodgers play the Phillies in a baseball game. Once the pitcher threw his first pitch, I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  5. Mike Wazowski has one eye. So does he blink or wink?
  6. There was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days.

    He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla. They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep.

    But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

    That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts.

    "Wow! This is great," he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door.

    He panicked. There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! HELP!"

    The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, "Will you be quiet! You're going to get both of us fired!"
  7. ^ tht ones actually pretty funny
  8. My grandfather had the heart of a lion... and a life time ban from thee New York City Zoo
  9. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
  10. What is circular but not round?









    a circular list 
  11. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank it before it was cool...haha so punny
  12. Here's the best joke, Apocalypse!
  13. How can they call it Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is you stand up and say,

    ‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’?
  14. What did the nappie say to the washing machine.....

    Are you trying to take the pish out of me
  15. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    It was your face and ran to KFC
  16. Was gona tell a joke about KaW but the devs beat me 2 it...
  17. Suck ya mom.
  18. Winner winner chicken dinner.

    If we were voting, Kronos would get mine. Legit made me LOL.
  19. Indian asks pharmacist"asprin"pharm says bottle of 10,25,50,100? "ASPRIN" HE SAYS.guy behind him buys some gives indian 2.Indian says to pharm "rubber" .pharm says"packs of 3,6,12 or more."RUBBER" he says.same guy buys a pack n gives him one.
    Indian opens rubber puts asprin inside pops it into his mouth n swallows it.pharmacist and customer look at indian n ask "wtf"
    Indian points at his head an says "f***ing headache"