Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by AshesOfEden, Dec 17, 2015.

  1. Ever wondered who is the best Car driver of all time?...

    Well.. Let's have a showdown and see!

    I have picked out 10 best car drivers from their respective domains..

    What they had to do was drive a race in each of the domains, with the car type of that domain.. And whoever that has the best aggregate score after 10 races claims the title of the ultimate best driver in the universe!!!

    Bucket list.. Gumball Race in a Corvette with Twins..

    Let's get to it shall we? Allow me to introduce each of the drivers..

    1) Dale Earnhardt

    The Intimidator is my representative from NASCAR.. He had won 7 Cup champion ships, bumped plenty of bumpers, and true to his name, someone you don't want to see in your rear view mirror..

    2) Ken Block

    If you have seen any of the Gymkhana videos, you know Ken can do Drift and Rally pretty much anywhere.. He will literally drive circles around his competition!

    3) Elwood Blues

    Sure there are plenty of really awesome drivers in the movies.. From Frankenstein in Death Race 2000 and Jason Statham's driver in Transporter to Frank Bullitt in Bullitt.. But none of them drive at night wearing sunglasses.. Or have driven through a mall..

    4) Michael Schumacher

    This seven time F1 champion is a Schu-in to represent the Formula One domain.. He may not be the best pure driver like Senna or Prost but if you have seen him during his reign, he had that same maniac ruthless edge that legends like Michael Jordan and Mohammad Ali has..

    5) Super Dave Osborne

    Super Dave is indestructible! He will drive his car through, around, under and over pretty much anything you can imagine.. And survive and give us his trademark grin.. He is the best stunt driver this side of Bo Duke

    6) Sebastian Loeb

    This 9 time World Rally Champion is a badass of Auto driving.. Dirt, snow, rain, right turns.. A versatile driver indeed..

    7) Optimus Prime

    Optimus is Dope!.. He is the king of the Autobots.. And pretty much the coolest customer from the Cartoon universe.. Oh did I mention he can turn into a robot and has both a blaster cannon and a sword?.. Racing is about to get nasty..

    8) The Gravedigger

    You gotta have a monster truck in this discussion right?.. And who better than the Gravedigger.. The bus crushing, flame jumping monster behemoth to represent! He has a personality like the Undertaker of WWE..

    *Note: Yes Optimus and Gravedigger are not technically humans.. But I feel that in the spirit of this discussion, they fit in perfectly..

    *Note 2: Please.. No mentions of Love Bug..

    9) Tom Kristensen

    There is racing.. And then there is racing the 24 Hour Le Mans.. With 9 Le Mans wins, Tom is the master of endurance racing.. Day and night..

    10) Tommy Vercetti

    You know the saying "Drive like you stole the car?"... Well... This hero of G.T.A Vice City is the coolest cat with the Hawaiian shirt from the world of Computer Game drivers! I picked him cos not only can he drive, he can run you over with the car too..

    Alright! There you have it.. 10 cream of the crop representatives from NASCAR, Drift, Hollywood, F1, Stunt, WRC, Cartoons, Monster Trucks, Le Mans, and Computer Games..

    So.. Let's do the 10 races in each of the domains and see how everyone fared in each race shall we?.. I will provide the standing as well as some color commentary..

    Race 1: Talladega Super Speedway

    1: Dale - Intimidator had to fend off Elwood and Tom but after a huge pile up at lap 50, which took out most of the competition, he claimed victory.

    2: Tom - Le Mans champ almost took the win away but he was crashed at the last lap by a surprise entrance from Ricky Bobby.. Ricky is quoted as saying after the race "We can't let the French win in 'Murica!"

    3: Sebastian - He drifted too much around the 33 degree angle banks.. Gotta hold the line!

    4: Michael - He led the race most of the way.. Until he got tired of left hand turns and made a right turn.. Into the wall

    5: Optimus - He survived the pileup by turning into the Robot but the leaders already lapped him by the time he transformed back..

    Speed limit in racing is 69.. After that you have to turn around..

    6: Elwood - He caused a huge pileup at lap 50.. Cos that's what Elwood does..but the damage from the crash was too much to overcome..

    7: Ken - Got caught in the pileup. DNF

    8: Tommy - He tried to steal Danica Patrick's car after the pileup but ended up making out with her. DNF

    9: Superdave - He went airborne in the pileup and crashed into the parking lot where his cousins were tailgating..

    10: Gravedigger - Tipped over at the first bank on the oval

    Race 2: Streets of San Francisco

    1: Ken - Didn't you see his Gymghana 5 video?

    2: Sebastian - He made a run for it with excellent rally drift style but Sean Connery sideswiped him with a Hummer

    3: Michael - He also was giving Ken a run for the money but Nic Cage sideswiped him in a Ferrari

    Nic drove a 355 in The Rock

    4: Dale - Dale managed to finish the race but the lack of high speed bank corners caused him to break too much..

    5: Optimus - Optimus crashed and banged his way through the lead but he lost time when a huge battle took place in the streets with the Decepticons

    6: Gravedigger - He pretty much drove over everybody but a chemical warhead rocket fired by Ed Harris took him out

    Skyline for Drift...

    7: Elwood - He drove through the palace of the fine arts and the fisherman's wharf.. But got stuck at Height and Ashbury smoking a joint

    8: Tom - He got the wrong directions and ended up in Oakland

    9: Superdave - He crashed off the Golden Gate Bridge and got eaten by the Sharks

    10: Tommy - He stole the streetcar but it only ran on the tracks

    Race 3: 106 Miles to Chicago..

    1: Elwood

    2-10: Tied - DNF - Everyone else got stopped by either The Cops, Angry Country and Western Bands, Angry Surplus Shop Owners, "Illinois Nazi's", Angry Ex-Girlfriends with Rocket Launchers or Nuns.. Gravedigger flipped trying to scale the Wrigley field wall

    Angry Obsessive Ex in a Corvette..

    Race 4: Grand Prix of Monaco

    1: Michael - Michael lapped everyone and had time to play some craps at the Casino

    2: Tom - Duh.. He's French..

    3-4: Tied - Ken, Sebastian - They couldn't drift the F1 cars like the rally cars

    5: Dale - Got slightly distracted by topless sunbathers on the beach

    6: Elwood - Got stuck at a drive-through trying to order a quarter pounder with cheese..

    French Canadians at Montreal Grand Prix.. Ooh La La..

    7-8: Tied - Gravedigger and Optimus.. The streets were too narrow for the big trucks

    9: Superdave - Crashed into the casino

    10: Tommy - Stole a yacht instead and got a few topless sunbathers to party with

    I SO want YamaLube right now..

    Race 5: Jumping Over the Grand Canyon

    1: Gravedigger - Easy jump for him

    2: Elwood - Easy jump for him too..

    3: Superdave - He crashed halfway.. But atleast he survived

    4: Optimus - He crashed halfway too..but he climbed as the robot out of the canyon

    5: Tommy - He kinda cheated and stole Evel Knievel's Bike and jumped

    6-10: Tied - DNF - Everyone else didn't make it

    Race 6: Paris-Dakar Rally

    1: Sebastian - Close race with Ken left everyone else in dust

    2: Ken - Almost won the race but had to pause to shoot a DC shoes commercial in Morocco

    3: Gravedigger - Another easy finish for him.. Lost a bit of time crushing a few Citroen's in France.

    4: Tom - Thought he'd get a jump by driving at night.. Got kidnapped by the local tribes.

    5: Dale - Made left turns and ended up in Cairo instead

    Get your Honda Civic washed to Racing shape

    6: Michael - Ferrari engines couldn't handle the sand

    7: Optimus - Pesky Scorponox kept bugging him in the desert..

    8: Elwood - Like Tom, tried to drive at night but went the opposite way and ended up at the red light district in Amsterdam

    9: Superdave - Crashed into a fruit bazaar in Marrakesh and accidentally set off the Arab Spring uprising

    10: Tommy - Stole a Taxi out of Paris, then Lance Armstrong's Bicycle thru France, then a tractor thru the Spanish farm country, then a Camel thru the Moroccan desert.. But the camel didn't go too fast

    Race 7: CYBERTRON

    1: Optimus Prime - Kicked everyone ass.. And beat up Megatron at the end..

    2: Gravedigger - Starscream got him

    3: Elwood - Tried to play the cassette in his car but out came Soundwave's mini minions and got him

    4: Tom - Blockade got him

    5: Dale - Thundercracker got him

    6: Sebastian - Blackout got him

    7: Superdave - Crashed trying to drive Brawl

    8: Michael - Thought he was driving an autobot Lambo, but didn't know that Breakdown is an evil Decepticon Countach

    9: Ken - Tried to drift with Bumblebee but *snickers* it's a Camaro!

    10: Tommy - Stole Ironhide, then Ratchet, then SideSwipe, then Jazz, then Blaster.. Then tried Arcee.. But she's a chick ambulance so he ended up in ER.

    Race 8: Monster Truck Rally

    1: Gravedigger - Optimus gave him the most trouble.. But he got bigger wheels

    2: Optimus - Lack of ground clearance hurt him

    3: Tommy - Stole all the money from the kids in the stands..

    4: Elwood - Demolition Derby is his speciality

    5: Dale - See Elwood

    6: Superdave - Crashed trying to jump over a ring of fire, 10 elephants, 3 juggling monkeys, 5 clowns and one bearded lady

    7: Ken - Accidentally overdosed on Red Bull and Monster energy drinks who sponsored his truck

    8-10 Tied - DNF - Europeans don't understand Monster Trucks

    Race 9: 24 Hours of Le Mans

    1: Tom - Lapped everyone in the middle of the night

    2: Elwood - Stayed up on a pack of Cigarettes

    3: Ken - Stayed up on Red Bull

    4: Optimus - Duelled with the Gravedigger all night.. Finally got tired and chopped gravedigger in half with his sword

    5: Gravedigger - Got chopped by a Robot

    6-10 - Everyone else fell asleep at night

    Race 10: Vice City

    1: Tommy - stinger, then infernus, then comet deluxo, then banshee, then the cheetah.. Yea pretty much all the exotics

    2: Elwood - Stole the cop car naturally

    3: Optimus - Thought this was Battle for Cybertron and Went rampaging through Vice City

    4: Gravedigger - He got stolen!!!

    5: Ken - Got tangled up with the Haitian gang

    6: Dale - Kept making left turns around one block

    7-9: Tom, Sebastian, Michael - Got distracted by Bikini babes on Rollerskates

    10: Superdave - Kept changing the radio stations and forgot to drive!


    So there you have it!.. After the gruelling 10 Race series that tested the most challenging aspects of driving automobiles... The winner with the highest average score is...

    Elwood Blues

    Do you know a better driver?.. Bring forth and discuss away!

    OKAY.. It was suggested by someone that we do a KaW Race/RP!

    Here's the deal.. You pick and post a character that will represent you in this wacky race, I will update them all here.. And when we get a decent amount of entries, we'll start the RP/Race.. Anyone can enter at any time.

    The Character must be a driver of 4 wheels car or a car.. So don't pick the Millenium Falcon m'kay.. Choose your character wisely! GO!

    Here are the contestants so far:

    L3G3ND_Z3RO: Fred Flintstone and his foot powered Bedrockmobile

    Pipebomb: ThunderTank driven by ThunderThighs!

    PRIME: Shaggy with Vilma and the Eco-defeat chip installed VW bus.

    Sasuke: Shrek

    Lil Pain: Batgirl riding the Bat Bike

    ZETH: James Bond with Halle Berry Jynx as co-driver in the Aston V12 Vanquish

    Dissenter: Dee Day driving the DeathMobile from Animal House.. ATX!

    Bakernator: Mad Max (Tom Hardy) driving the Oscar Meyer Weiner Truck

    Sethosaurus: Little Einsteins and the RocketBuggy

    TERRA: Too soon Terra! too soon!

    Gapping Session: The old lady with meatballs from the Wedding Singer driving the Muttmobile from Dumb and Dumber

    WoLveRiNE: Bryan Herta from IndiCar

    Rikki: Mr. Bean in the original Mini

    Frog: Doc Brown in the Delorean

    Anita_Bonghit: O.J in the White Ford Bronco

    X-D: A bunch of sweaty Trojans pushing their wooden Horse

    Snowman: Elsa from Frozen driving the new Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters

    *You can pick any driver or car or both.. From anywhere!


    Okay time for another batch.. I will list your driver and car combos! Suggest away!
  2. You chose Tommy Vercetti over CJ? Or Claude? Or Trevor?

    I do not know you.
  3. Sorry what was happening in that pic with the gun? I think she was blonde.

    Can you give more descriptive pictures please.
  4. Colin McRae?
  5. Look for Sebastian Loeb's Pikes Peak run on YouTube. Sick thing, and I always thought GT5 on PS was unrealistically fast...

    Driving 250kmh on the Autobahn feels like a slowmo compared to that.

    Ken's gymkhanas are quite crazy stuff too, quite loved the SF episode. Looks a bit staged compared to real racing though.

  6. Looks like a winner to me..

    Full support, even though you forgot The Stigs Chinese cousin

    He may not be so understanding
  7. [​IMG]

    forget batman. Go batgirl!
  8. I swear this is one of the most stupidest things ever.........
  9. Dur dur most stupidest.

    Most stupidest? Wow.

    That's more stupider than that other thing I done seen today.

    STFU. Please and thank you.
  10. I can't believe no one has mentioned fast and the furious.. Someone owes me a 10 second car..
  11. Stupid or awesome take your pick.
    But hang on?
    Where's kitt and the hoff?
    Forget the hoff just......

    Hang on go back to that bit of tommy dnf with danica .
    Tell the poor boy to go see a doctor ASAP.
    I hear blue oral tablets may help him.
    But then that's cheating.
    Is nos allowed?

    I'd love to say loeb. But jackie chan any day.
    Then sideswipe, jazz . Primes awesome but slow.

  12. Batman sure can drive!!!!!

    So's Kitt!..

    I am so glad the witty folks are getting this thread! Thank you
  13. Hang on. Wait.
    What about bo? ...... ( duke! really? You need to ask?)

    Or bandit? Maybe even smokey. Actually what about smokey.

    Hamilton is too young and dumb. Ask again in five years 
  14. You seem to have missed The Duke Boys. Though that counts as two, huh?

    Luke Duke it then.
  15. I actually got this.
  16. Expected bewbs got bewbs
  17. 3 times world formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton is Lush <3<3
  18. Some say they have no idea who this supposed Stig person is.. Well allow me to educate you on who this important icon could be.. Here is a brief summary..

    First off, there have been MANY Stigs, some not as good as others, but Stigs nonetheless.. Let's start with the first Stig

    Black Stig

    Only lasted a few years until the new format, was pretty slow, and died a glorious death being hurtled off the end of a navy destroyer in a modified Jag..

    Sacked Stig Ben Collins

    Was one of the longest running Stigs, until fame got to his head and he wrote a few books.. He broke rule number one

    Michael Schumacher Stig

    Filled in after Ben and was best known for the blistering lap record he set in the Ferrari FFX.. Was a good laugh when he took off helmet

    Which brings us to our current Stig
    Baby Jesus Stig

    Some say, if the wise men had to
    Make the journey today, they wouldn't have bothered.. The gang had to drive through several wars to pick this one up fresh from Bethlehem..

    Which brings us to the Stigs extended family tree of Stigs.. What's a Stig without a big happy family to help out wherever the gang ends up..

    African cousin Stig

    Italian cousin Stig

    German cousin Stig (Stigy Ray Cyrus)

    Big rig driving cousin Stig

    Vegetarian cousin Stig

    Stigs teenage cousin

    The Stigs Chinese cousin

    The Stigs Communist Cousin

    The Stigs American cousin

    And of course everyone's favourite Stig..

    The Stigs sister

    So there's a short whatever you want to call it about the Stig and his lovely family.. I was clearly quite bored and this is the result..

    The Stig is love, the Stig is life..

    I am the Stig
  19. Han did the Kessel Run in less then 12 parsecs....

    Just saying.