The Sky King Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Spectre, Aug 24, 2010.

  1. Pretty Self-exanatory please leave some comments but no hate comments :). Also constructive critism accepted as well!! Thx
     
  2. It's crap
     
  3. Dude what the he'll get off my thread I said no hate...
     
  4. If it's no hate u won't get any feedback lol
     
  5. Asshole... I said get off my thread now gtfo before I report you
     
  6. It's pretty good there r mistakes here and there
    For example
    U switch from I to He a lot make up ur mind first or third person
    U say there r 2 creatures, but u only describe 1

    And some grammer mistakes


    Plot and actually story line=good tho
     
  7. U want to do First or Third person story?

    Cuz u switch back and forth and it looks bad
     
  8. Yea bj... I suck at first person/third person I'll try to make it more clear -.-
     
  9. K just informing u
     
  10. K just informing u
     
  11. This story is very nice, and I wanna see where this might go. One thing I find that bugs me is that major relationship with the Percy Jackson series (no offense). The primary antagonist's last name was Castellan (or something kinda like yours), and also the fact that everyone uses the Empire as some sorta important pathway to "the really mighty guys," which frankly, is overkilled already, bucuz of NY... But primarily, I wanna see this story vary possibly. I also recognized the fact that your character is constantly on the run from monsters, which was common in the Percy J series, but I guess it is okay... Anyway, interesting charms, but try to make this "your story", and not a novel that takes another story and adds what you want. Apart from that, I'll keep reading and waiting for the next chapter!

    iZaln
     
  12. lol thx zaln