I really felt the first verse was weak, predictable, sorry. Love is harder then , sweetness, pretty flowers, and fluffy bunnies. My thoughts would be add some pain. Love is so good it hurts when your apart. Show more confidence, don't ask her not to leave, tell her she's your prisoner of your passion. Get out the thesaurus, dance through the words. Tell her why she is special, the sent of her hair, her laugh, depth of his eyes, the warmth of her voice. I don't mean to trash your efforts, I think it's very sweet, your a keeper. I'm sure she'll appreciate your effort.
Well im planning on writtinga second one so, i'll keep your opinion in mind - thanks for the feedback
As you know - i'm not a professional writter - and it takes alot of effort to writea song - so i cant be that perfect
lol It's not an easy task. Listen to "from these hands" by VnV Nation. It's a break up song but you can feel the passion in the song. Most great songs are about amor, or relationships.