Separate names with a comma.
GlooMi glances around worriedly and nods. She was thinking the exact same thing.
"No they're not. At all." GlooMi growled the the noobish girl. "You have no idea what's going on right now obviously, but I can assure you Avery...
-In- GlooMi sighed. "In general talking to characters you made up is not really necessary unless they're part of the story." She told Cinder calmly
Distruction***
GlooMi sighed jealously. "My powers are only for distraction, not of healing." -Out- Please take this argument elsewhere
GlooMi raises her eyebrows at cinder. "Please stop talking to yourself. It's extremely annoying."
Oh, I forgot about first test... Lol.
GlooMi walks quietly into the café. "Anyone here?" she calls tiredly
The Gone series was my inspiration for NLH
Also the books Gone, Hunger, and Lies by Michael Grant. They are THE BEST!
The Song of The Lioness series The Immortals Series Protector of the Small Trio All series within a series by Tamora Pierce. Excellent books.
Sorry my keyboard is rally mesare up. It thinks that its spanish that im writing. Ill jet back to You ejem its working again
Overall a good job, however: You need to be able to describe without telling us. You are loads better but You still need yo describe the setting...
GlooMi froze for a moment, and cocked her head as if listening to someone. Then, somewhat tiredly she nodded. "I must go now," she said quietly...
GlooMi rolled her eyes. "About time you grabbed that thing," she muttered
GlooMi glares at star angrily. "Are you kidding?" She snaps, "You almost killed her yesterday!"
GlooMi sighs as she walks into the café. The day had been hard on her as was evident by the dark circles under her eyes, and the slow ambling...
Learn to accept criticism. The most important part of writing
It's so... Beautiful, so poetically written *sniff* oh now I'm crying at its gorgeousness