Separate names with a comma.
I like it. I think you could use more paragraphs like cheese said, and cut down on the commas usage.
Alligator Man - Epilogue I woke up in a hospital, with no machines attached. Why wouldn't they try to keep me alive? I though, and came to the...
DESCRIBE MORE! Describing more puts me in the narrator's place, and makes the story much more enjoyable to read. For example: The sunshine rose...
Hi Marodo!
Bump
Respect
Continue! I think your vocabulary could be expanded much more, and that you have a lot of room for improvment. It is an interesting story!
I think putting FF on AT would be awesome, but then... IT may come back...
Of course! Do you think i'm crazy?
Let's do something about it then.
BUMP
You never know... KaW waiting to send in the skellies to take them out is a likely scenario.
Paragraphs! I feel like you are skipping over details and not describing enough Avoid words like stuff and instead be creative with word choice....
Alligator Man - Jessie Tornbil "News flash! The final member of the ten, believed to now go by the code name one, has revealed that he or she...
Stora, you inspired me to really try my hardest in FanFic. I read Atlantric, and it showed me how one person can write an amazing story. I was...
Bump for new post, and the next post may be the last chapter!
Alligator Man - Rick Snelling I remember waking up after the plane ride, but what happened until the next day blanked out of my mind. I don't...
No!!!! Stora!!!!!!!!!!!
Save us from the evil.