Separate names with a comma.
Oh forgot two things(add on to character Richard 'Ray' Johnson) Style (music): anything that he can dance too Personality: a bit cold, doesn't...
I'll take guy 6 (you can change some things around as needed to make the story work) Name: Richard 'Ray' Johnson Age: 17 Appearance: 5'11, tan,...
Name: Shadow (real name is unknown) Gender: Male Age: 21 Affliction: neither (works as a mercenary) Description: chin-length black hair with white...
Used a lot of I's towards the end so I would suggest grouping a few of the sentences. Needs a bit more emotion as well, but other than that you're...