Weight on my Chest

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by TheNeo, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. It's not a book
    It's a rap
    But it's laid out badly
    And a bit silly really
     

  2. Why you keep bumping?
     
  3. When I was reading it us sounded like a five finger death punch song. Either way good stuff. Keep it up.
     
  4. Not actually a rap. It's free verse poetry which is why there's no consistence rhyming scheme. Although poetry and rap go hand in hand and parts where written with Charron's flow in my head the intention still wasn't for it to be a rap.
     
  5. Its dark. I need a torchligh!! (ノ_ _)ノ but I like it :)
     
  6. Good read, also rapped it in my head while reading. Just shows it was written well if one can find a rhythm to the words! Look forward to seeing more.
     
  7. I really liked it until it started rhyming. Then I found it a bit generic.
     
  8. It rhymes from the very beginning.
     
  9. Oh Im sorry. Is it bothering you?
     
  10. Just re read it. My inner voice is uneducated. :lol:
     
  11. Impressive. 
     
  12. You going into cardiac arrest homie
     
  13. As long as you don't bleach your hair...
     
  14. The life of Makaveli
     
  15. Its almost impossible for me to read this without hearing Eminem spit these bars 100 mph in that rythm that has got
     
  16. Glad i wasnt the only one, mike
     
  17. Very well done Ahdragos
     
  18. You might have angina
     
  19. Since we are on the structure, it is jazz verse essentially, which is great stuff. I was snapping my fingers at times. Reminds me of some poetry slam sessions I used to watch online.