An Adventure

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Zethor, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. We set out at daybreak, through the misty, cold, dark, smoggy atmosphere. Eventually we made it out of my house, and then we stepped out into the daylight.
    "My, this is a beautiful day." D4rk noted cheerily.
    "Friggin Weirdo." I mutter, heaving my backpack over my shoulder. It was filled with only the essentials. Beer, Cheez-Its, and the Hannah Davis edition of SI. It was going to be a long journey.
    I decided to take a check of my crew.
    "D4rk?"
    "Check."
    "Hazz?"
    "Check."
    "Moose?"
    "(Moose noise)"
    "Daphnia?"
    "Check."
    "Alright, it seems we are ready to go." I say, limbering up before I take the first step toward my destiny. I wouldn't want to pull a hammy.
    "Where are we going, anyway?" Asks Hazzernater.
    "Ho-" I begin, but I am cut off by D4rk.
    "Hodor!" He yells triumphantly.
    I sigh and continue.
    "Hom-" I try, but I am cut off again.
    "Hobbiton!" Daphnia yells.
    "Guys! This isn't a hobbit movie!" I shout.
    Hazzy raises his hand.
    "Yes?" I ask.
    "Then why are you holding a Staff, and wearing a Gandalf beard?"
    "Because!" I reply, indignant.
    "Yeah, and why am I barefoot, and wearing this stupid ring?" D4rk asks.
    "Because!"
    "And why am I holding a bow, and I have long blonde hair?" Daphnia asks."
    "BECAUSE!" I scream. This startles moose, and he jumps, making a moose noise.
    "Hey, hey." I say soothingly, "it's okay buddy, it's okay." I pat him on the head. I look to the others.
    "He hasn't been the same since the Super Bowl." I explain. "Patriots, loud noises, and Katy Perry bring on an advanced form of PTSD for him."
    "Oh." They say collectively.
    "So, ready to go?" I ask, stretching flamingo style.
    "Yep." They say, and we set off, to who knows where.

    And so we set off, a vagabond of ragtag Noobs, intent upon reaching our destination.
    Where was our destination, you may ask? Home. Our home was on the far side of the mountains.
    We didn't even make it out of the village before moose stole something. From a Carrot merchant.
    You see, moose is our mascot, and he is also a bit of a kleptomaniac. Don't ask me how, but he once stole the wig off of an old grandma, and wore it for a week.
    Needless to say, the merchant was upset. And as he chased us out of town. The entire way, I swear that moose was smiling.
    When we thought we were finally safe from the barrage of curse words, and Carrot throwing knives, we stopped and pulled out our map.
    "So, where are we exactly?" Asked Daphnia. She was fiddling with her Bow and arrow, and suddenly, a suction cup arrow hit me in the forehead.
    "Dammit!" I yell dropping the map. "What the hell was that for?"
    "Jeez, watch your temper." She muttered. Suddenly, a gust of wind grabbed our map (and presumably flipped me the bird) and our only map flew over a cliff.
    I let loose a stream of cussing that would make sailor blush with shame. I ran around yelling undecipherable screaming, kicking at rocks and punching the air. I finally laid down on the path, a quivering, beaten mass. A Wagon Rolled over the top of me.
    After a while I got up, looked around, and realized our mascot was missing.
    "Where's moose?" I ask.
    "I don't know." D4rk said, constantly putting the ring on, and off, and on, and off, of his finger.
    "Your temper tantrum drove him away." Hazzy said.
    "Oh crap." I say. "Let me go find him."
    I begin to follow the moose tracks, which leads me up the mountain, to the highest peak, where I see moose sitting, chewing on some grass while staring woefully over the horizon.
    "Hey, sorry about that buddy." I say, sitting next to him.
    "(Moose noise)"
    "Yeah, I know, I shouldn't let my temper get the best of me."
    "(Moose noise)"
    "So are you ready to continue?"
    "(Unsure moose noise)"
    "Well, I'll give you time to think." I say. "You know the way back to us?"
    "(Moose noise)"
    "Alright. Don't be late." I say, walking to the others.

    Moose trudged down the mountain soon after me, joining our group. We set off, not knowing where we were going too, without our map.
    It was not long after, that a group of birds set up a nest in my Gandalf beard, causing me to throw it away.
    When we reached an outpost, moose informed me that he needed to poop.
    Hazzy also required alcohol, Daphnia required fresh souls, and D4rk continued whispering precious as he put his finger in and out of the ring.
    "Friggin weirdo." I muttered.
    "Precious." He wheezed in return.
    After moose had used the little mammals room, and Hazzy was pleasantly buzzed, we stocked up on Cheez-It's, and set off towards our camp.
    As we reached the edge of town, a short, rotund bulldog walked up to us.
    "Salutations." The Slobbering dolt greeted us.
    "Hai." I replied. "Can you move?"
    "Where are you travelers going?" He asked, licking his chops.
    "To a... Far away place?" I replied.
    "May I come with?" He asked, applying the puppy dog eyes.
    "I don't know..." I said, as moose stomped impatiently. "We already have a lovable mascot."
    "I could Narrate." He suggested. Hazzy, D4rk, and Daphnia jumped on the idea.
    "Alright, come on." I said, gesturing.
    The short stubby thing came forth to join us, speaking as he went.
    "And the group of friends went forth, unto the great unknown. Where will they go next? Who knows?" He said in a singsong voice.
    "Is he going to do that the whole way?" Hazzy asked.
    "Yeah." I replied.
    "(Moose noise)" moose said, angrily.
    And we began the next part of our journey.

    We set out at daybreak, moose trailing behind, kicking at rocks, and chewing on Bulldog. Bulldog narrated the whole thing.
    Hazzy passed the time draining our beer supply, D4rk looked at scantily clad women in the magazine, and Daphnia sucked out the soul of any innocent passerby.
    We passed the time with various lengths of small talk.
    "Zeth?" Hazzy asked, swigging on a beer.
    "Yeah." I replied, swigging on a beer.
    "Where are we going anyway?" He asked.
    "North." I replied, my eyes ahead.
    "(Moose noise)" moose said.
    "Precious." D4rk said.
    "Well this feels like the Oregon trail." Hazzy said. "I feel like we'll all die of dysentery any moment."
    "Don't be silly." I scoffed.
    "I don't feel well." Daphnia said shakily.
    "A Twist in the Plot!" Bulldog said.
    "Oh ****." I said, turning pale.
    "Just screwing with you." She laughed, turning away.
    "(Moose noise)" moose said.
    "Precious." D4rk said.
    "Suddenly, our heroes run into trouble!" Bulldog exclaimed. "Will they survive?"
    "What do you mean?" I asked him.
    Suddenly, as we rounded a bend in the path, three bandits stood in the way of our path.
    "Yo." The first said. He was a ogre all wrinkly, and green, and ugly.
    "Oh crap." Hazzy said, hiding his beer.
    "Whatcha got there?" The second asked, looking at us. His name was Rick, I could tell by the name tag, saying hello, my name is Rick but with a backwards "R".
    "Nothing." I replied hastily. "Leave us alone."
    "Ha." Laughed the third, a smelly guy named Lar "This is the part where we rob you blind."
    "Moooo." Moose said.
    "Dammit Moose." I said, "you aren't a cow."
    "(Moose noise)" he said.
    "Precious." Said D4rk.
    I raised my staff in the air, yelling at the top of my lungs, "We, SHALL PASS!!"
    "Uh... No you won't." Rick said, as they started toward us.
    "Daphnia, suck their souls out!" I yelled.
    "They don't have any!" She screamed in distress.
    "D4rk... Do something!" I yelled.
    "Do what?" He replied. "Precious is everything."
    "Oh god." I said, pulling out my 9mm. "Alright back the **** up."
    "Oh ****." Lar yelled, wiping mud from his mouth.
    "Hey we were just messing with you." Rick said.
    "Gruh." Ogre said. They retreated in the opposite direction.
    "The leader backs down the bandits with an amazing show of bad assery." Bulldog said.
    We continued down the path.
    "Bad ass!" Hazzy said.
    "(Moose noise)" moose said.
    "And now they continue upon their journey, nearing their destination with every step!" Bulldog narrated.

    We continued down the path, while Bulldog rambled on about the situation.
    After about five hours of hard traveling, we approached a good place to make a camp.
    "This is a good place to make a camp." Bulldog said.
    "Well thank you, captain obvious." I replied sarcastically.
    "Just trying to help." He muttered.
    "So what do we need to make camp?" I asked, rubbing my head.
    "Well, a Tent, firewood, fire..." Daphnia said.
    "(Moose noise)" moose said.
    "Ah Yes. Can't forget the smores." Daphnia said. "Also, weapons to guard us from Ruffians and Juvenile Delinquents."
    "Precious." D4rk said. I walked over to him, grabbed the ring from his finger, and chucked it over the edge of a cliff.
    "Hey what the hell man?" He yelled, staring as the ring disappeared over the edge.
    "It came out of a prize machine." I sighed, looking at him exasperatedly.
    "Eh, one man's trash is another man's treasure." Hazzy added, raising his beer.
    "(Moose noise)" moose noted."
    "Well look.." I began, "D4rk, you and I get Firewood. Daph and Bulldog, make a stove out of my empty redbull cans."
    "What about us?" Hazzy asked.
    "You and moose find some weapons." I stated.
    "Aye aye." They all replied.
    "(Moose noise)"
    We started in our respective directions, looking for our respective items.
    "I really didn't appreciate what you did to my ring." D4rk said.
    "Bah." I muttered.
    "Why must you be so cruel to us all?" He asked.
    "Bah." I yelped.
    "Why do you keep doing that?!" He asked again.
    "I'm trying to call a wild goat, so we can have some decent dinner."
    "Oh." D4rk said. "Bah."
    "Baah!" I yelled.
    "Baaaah!"
    "Bah!"
    "Baaah."
    "I don't think it is working." D4rk admitted.
    "Nope." I replied. Suddenly, a large Bengal tiger jumped out in front of us.
    "Oh Bah." I whispered.

    A little while later, we crawled into camp. The tiger was slung over my shoulder, and I was barely dragging it. D4rk was carrying some firewood.
    "Are you guys alright?" Bulldog asked, "we heard some goats, and then cussing and screaming, and then we heard five shots, and then it was silent. That was some easy exposition by the way."
    "That was some what?" D4rk asked him.
    "Nevermind." Bulldog answered.
    "Anyway, we got a tiger." I presented the behemoth to the rest of the group.
    "Dude." Hazzy dropped his beer.
    "(Moose noise)" moose cheered. (Tigers are the natural enemy of the moose).
    "Are you sure it's dead?" Daphnia asked.
    "Um... Hopefully." I shrugged.

    Later.

    "Well this isn't smores." D4rk admitted, chewing on the tiger jerky we had made.
    "No, it isn't." I laughed. "Hazzy pour some more redbull on the fire. It's burning low."
    He did, and the fire raged higher.
    "Alright, well let's turn it in." Daphnia said, "we have a long day tommorow.
    "Yeah." Bulldog said. "Goodnight everybody."
     
  2. Quit making threads.. Damn
     
  3. :lol: best of
     
  4. Good enough for a like but u have to "comment" in this thing called forums
     
  5. More will come. This is the first part on an epic journey.
     
  6. And so we set off, a vagabond of ragtag Noobs, intent upon reaching our destination.
    Where was our destination, you may ask? Home. Our home was on the far side of the mountains.
    We didn't even make it out of the village before moose stole something. From a Carrot merchant.
    You see, moose is our mascot, and he is also a bit of a kleptomaniac. Don't ask me how, but he once stole the wig off of an old grandma, and wore it for a week.
    Needless to say, the merchant was upset. And as he chased us out of town. The entire way, I swear that moose was smiling.
    When we thought we were finally safe from the barrage of curse words, and Carrot throwing knives, we stopped and pulled out our map.
    "So, where are we exactly?" Asked Daphnia. She was fiddling with her Bow and arrow, and suddenly, a suction cup arrow hit me in the forehead.
    "Dammit!" I yell dropping the map. "What the hell was that for?"
    "Jeez, watch your temper." She muttered. Suddenly, a gust of wind grabbed our map (and presumably flipped me the bird) and our only map flew over a cliff.
    I let loose a stream of cussing that would make sailor blush with shame. I ran around yelling undecipherable screaming, kicking at rocks and punching the air. I finally laid down on the path, a quivering, beaten mass. A Wagon Rolled over the top of me.
    After a while I got up, looked around, and realized our mascot was missing.
    "Where's moose?" I ask.
    "I don't know." D4rk said, constantly putting the ring on, and off, and on, and off, of his finger.
    "Your temper tantrum drove him away." Hazzy said.
    "Oh crap." I say. "Let me go find him."
    I begin to follow the moose tracks, which leads me up the mountain, to the highest peak, where I see moose sitting, chewing on some grass while staring woefully over the horizon.
    "Hey, sorry about that buddy." I say, sitting next to him.
    "(Moose noise)"
    "Yeah, I know, I shouldn't let my temper get the best of me."
    "(Moose noise)"
    "So are you ready to continue?"
    "(Unsure moose noise)"
    "Well, I'll give you time to think." I say. "You know the way back to us?"
    "(Moose noise)"
    "Alright. Don't be late." I say, walking to the others.
     
  7. (Moose noise)
     
  8. I don't know why but every time you put (moose noise)

    I always hear a goat/cow....
     
  9. Could moose be a cow with paper mache antlers?
     
  10. Possibly.