Don't let the ring control you, breh. Also lmao, had no idea this thread was in here till last night, very funny read. For those of you unhappy with it, I requested Support to review last night, and it was found to be within the bounds of TOU.
We continued down the path, while Bulldog rambled on about the situation. After about five hours of hard traveling, we approached a good place to make a camp. "This is a good place to make a camp." Bulldog said. "Well thank you, captain obvious." I replied sarcastically. "Just trying to help." He muttered. "So what do we need to make camp?" I asked, rubbing my head. "Well, a Tent, firewood, fire..." Daphnia said. "(Moose noise)" moose said. "Ah Yes. Can't forget the smores." Daphnia said. "Also, weapons to guard us from Ruffians and Juvenile Delinquents." "Precious." D4rk said. I walked over to him, grabbed the ring from his finger, and chucked it over the edge of a cliff. "Hey what the hell man?" He yelled, staring as the ring disappeared over the edge. "It came out of a prize machine." I sighed, looking at him exasperatedly. "Eh, one man's trash is another man's treasure." Hazzy added, raising his beer. "(Moose noise)" moose noted." "Well look.." I began, "D4rk, you and I get Firewood. Daph and Bulldog, make a stove out of my empty redbull cans." "What about us?" Hazzy asked. "You and moose find some weapons." I stated. "Aye aye." They all replied. "(Moose noise)" We started in our respective directions, looking for our respective items. "I really didn't appreciate what you did to my ring." D4rk said. "Bah." I muttered. "Why must you be so cruel to us all?" He asked. "Bah." I yelped. "Why do you keep doing that?!" He asked again. "I'm trying to call a wild goat, so we can have some decent dinner." "Oh." D4rk said. "Bah." "Baah!" I yelled. "Baaaah!" "Bah!" "Baaah." "I don't think it is working." D4rk admitted. "Nope." I replied. Suddenly, a large Bengal tiger jumped out in front of us. "Oh Bah." I whispered. A little while later, we crawled into camp. The tiger was slung over my shoulder, and I was barely dragging it. D4rk was carrying some firewood. "Are you guys alright?" Bulldog asked, "we heard some goats, and then cussing and screaming, and then we heard five shots, and then it was silent. That was some easy exposition by the way." "That was some what?" D4rk asked him. "Nevermind." Bulldog answered. "Anyway, we got a tiger." I presented the behemoth to the rest of the group. "Dude." Hazzy dropped his beer. "(Moose noise)" moose cheered. (Tigers are the natural enemy of the moose). "Are you sure it's dead?" Daphnia asked. "Um... Hopefully." I shrugged. Later. "Well this isn't smores." D4rk admitted, chewing on the tiger jerky we had made. "No, it isn't." I laughed. "Hazzy pour some more redbull on the fire. It's burning low." He did, and the fire raged higher. "Alright, well let's turn it in." Daphnia said, "we have a long day tommorow. "Yeah." Bulldog said. "Goodnight everybody."
Xanth, why are you feeling the need to comment? A. I don't care. B. Obviously people do care, due to the "best of" comments. Care to add more?
And God said, let there be statless alts, and there were statless Alts. And God saw these statless alts, and saw that they were bad, so he doomed them to be ridiculed.
We awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. The eating of the vicious tiger I had singlehandedly killed had given us all Charlie Sheen powers. Or maybe it was the cocaine and red up. Hard to tell. I looked up from my map to see Moose standing over me. "Mmhmm?" I asked quizzically. "(Moose noise)" he replied quietly. "It was necessary. The thing was trying to kill us, moose." I answered, studying his worried face carefully. He had obviously worried about this most of the night. "(Moose noise)" he asked. "I would never eat a moose buddy." I assured him, scratching him on the ears. It seemed to work, because soon he flopped down and rolled over. He wanted his belly scratched. "Egh, okay." I rolled my eyes and scratched him. He moosed happily, and twitched madly on the ground. "Hey whoa we're right next to a ledge he..." It was too late. We slid over the edge and began tumbling downhill, hooves over antlers. "Moose!" I yelled. He moosed back at me. It was by mere luck that his antler caught the root of a tree sticking out of the dirt. It was also a coincidence that the root looked like a well endowed man was buried under the dirt. I rushed down there, Bulldog near my heels, trying to save our beloved mascot. Our other beloved mascot. "(Moose noise!)" he moosed loudly. "I got Hacked!" I said triumphantly. I grabbed him by the antlers, and using my #Winning Powers, I dragged him upwards. "The mascot is saved for another day! The crowd cheers, for many a moose ballad will be sung still!" Bulldog narrated. "Jesus Chris." I huffed as we reached the top. Hazzy stood with the others, his hand attached to a beer. "Holy hell." He muttered. I nodded. "That root looks just like Ron Jeremy." I slapped myself on the face. D4rk walked forward. "That was a precious.... Precarious situation." "Indeed it was." Dash nodded. "We'd best get going." "Hey, I'm the leader of this Motley Crüe." I replied indignantly. Jazzy nudged me. "Throw the horns when you say Crüe." D4rk jumped and did so. "Okay.... So let's roll." I muttered. I saw Moose begin to lay down. "No don't roll!" "(Moose noise)" he asked. "You know what I meant." I said. He nodded his majestic head. We were on the trail again in no time, and making good time. It was the usual scene. Bulldog narrating, Daph doing her best Elizabeth Olson impression, and Hazzy Glued to his beer. It was a good surprise when we rounded a bend in the road to find a town there. "This ain't on the map." I muttered. "Ain't?" Daph asked. I sighed. "Isn't." "Good. Well I guess we should see what it is." They all nodded, and we continued forward...