#ZethForPres2k16 In lou of... in lue of... in liu... dammit. Let's take it from the top. In lieu of, (that IS how it's spelt right? Spellt. SPELLED. DAMMIT.) a better candidate, I, Zeth T. Death, am announcing my entry into the Presidential race. Because dammit, we need change! Not the kind you give a waiter as a tip, or the faux kind that Obama promised and gave us in bulk, but the kind that makes America the best gosh darned country on this green and blue and sometimes white ball we call Earth! Now not all fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time.' There apparently have been a whole series that started with 'If elected I will...' And on that note, I shall begin. If elected I will do several things on my first day in office. Firstly, I will make the Goat Demon Barrack 'Insane' Obama walk the streets bearing a sign that clearly reads "I am a Liberal. Honk if you hate Liberals!" through the streets of Dallas, Texas. It will be a day of honking heard all the way to New York, and when a newborn babe is brought awake in the night by the ever present sound of honking, the mother can comfort the child by saying, "Dear Child, all is well, it is simply a no good, dirty rotten, yellow bellied Liberal getting what he deserves." The child will of course stop crying. Even babies hate Obama. My second order of business when elected, will be to designate a new national Christmas film. This film will of course be "Die Hard", which a film filled with Christmas spirit. Just think about it. Christmas is about Jesus, and John McClane never hesitates to glorify our savior, Jesus "*******" Christ. It holds the record for the film which praises his name the most often. And Christmas is all about good old J.F.C. My third order of business will be to terminate all contracts will Iran, as well as airdrop thousands of copies of "Team America: World Police" in their country. Wrong terrorist state, I know, but it would still make them very angry. I would then go on to pressure them into giving up the business of nuke making, because as fun as Fallout 4 is, nobody actually wants that crap. My fourth order of business when elected, as I will inevitably be, would be to airdrop a Company's worth of female soldiers during er... that time of the month... in North Korea, our other short, chubby, and easy to anger terrorist neighbor. We will have upsurped... urpsurped... DAMN! IT!... We will have usurped Kimmy in three days, and taken North Korea over by force, thus eliminating another box on my shiny presidential checklist. My fifth order of business, for the first day mind you, will be to hire Gene Hackman to blow my former home state and jaded love California off of the map, and into the ocean. Or should I hire the fault line from San Andreas to do that? What was that movie named after anyway? A videgame? Destroying California will stop the spread of Hippyism and various other unpatriotic and unmanly things. Sometimes you have to amputate the wound to save the patient. Ideally, we would amputate New York too, but they have various Landmarks and Patriotic things. To much collateral. Now, I'm sure you're all wondering what Party I prefer, who my running mate will be, and many other questions. All will be answered. Both parties seem flawed deeply, therefore I am running as my own party. Zethricans. Dedicated to preservation of consitutional... consitutition... Constitutional rights, and the freedom of the Zethrican people as a whole. My running mate will be the crowd favorite Ashes O. Eden, though his citizenship might be an issue. He will bring a diversity and boobishness to the White House. Any suggestions will be considered, as my opinion flops around faster than a break dancing goldfish. Candy will be handed out. Ballots will be rigged. Clintons will be bashed. Let's help America strive for greatness and achieve mediocrity! #Zeth2k16 #ZethTillDeath #AshesForAsses #HashtagsAreTheNewNormal #ZethCountry #StillBetterThanTrump
Meh. Happens on the Rap thread all the time. It was required. Say something constructive or you're a Communist Liberal Asswagon. Honk if you hate Asswagons.
Zeth, you only have red, white, and blue. Where's yellow, black, green, brown, and indigo you discriminating person?
You can get multiple donuts. Raspberry Jam Filled ones! The only sort! New rule, only Raspberry Jame filled donuts.
Hippy communist jackwagon bastard. Red, White and Blue are the only colors. Thanks for voting though.
Later that year.. "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS AGREE: EVEN TRUMP WOULD HAVE DONE BETTER"