Whisper of a scythe feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Burningclaw, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. Post feedback I need chars so the first five chars posted will be one chosen from
     
    #1 Burningclaw, Jun 12, 2011
  2. Wutttttt? Your story doesn't flow..start pressing return/enter!
    The dialogue is meaningless.
     
    #2 FeatherHunter, Jun 12, 2011
  3. I LIKE THE TITLE THOUGH :)
     
    #3 FeatherHunter, Jun 12, 2011
  4. 1.Proofread!! There are quite a few mistakes.
    2.If you're writing this straight into KaW(From post box) and not in a word doc or Notes first then copying and pasting, then there is a higher chance of accidental mistakes.(unless u proofread.)
    3. Don't use ... when it's not dialogue. It doesn't look pretty and gets confusing on what is dialogue and what isn't.(For me anyway)
    And story needs more "flow".
    But nice title :)
     
    #4 Storallelite, Jun 13, 2011
  5. This is a journal of a five year old but ok it could be better and I am on an ipod
     
    #5 Burningclaw, Jun 13, 2011
  6. So, a five year old plays with daggers? Yeah right...
     
    #6 FeatherHunter, Jun 13, 2011
  7. -.-
    The time line and story events are of the fact that I didn't post the second chapter is screwing u up-.-
     
    #7 Burningclaw, Jun 13, 2011
  8. At the start the main charitior: Frau is five... He killed his father with the scythe and he looses all his memory but that
     
    #8 Burningclaw, Jun 13, 2011
  9. Frau is the father...least that what the store says.
     
    #9 FeatherHunter, Jun 13, 2011
  10. Frau(the 2nd)(sacrificial son) split personality
    Side one: Kind caring
    Side two: the remains of sheik the demon kings son(his half brother)

    Mom: died in birth of Frau

    Dad: dark spirited soul( infected by a core (not posted))

    Scythe: dark red blade one a twisted gauntlet-pole

    Sickle: the scythe while coming out of the body

    Gauntlets: N/A
     
    #10 Burningclaw, Jun 13, 2011
  11. ...
     
    #11 FeatherHunter, Jun 13, 2011
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