Ok so this a story I made up the other day. It could be awesome or it could be crap. Plz leave feedback. Chapter 1 My life is horrible. I have mean parents, I'm the smallest person at my school, and Justin, the most popular person in my class, torments me whenever he has the chance. Which is pretty much all the time. Plus, my name is Montgomery. That's the most embarrassing name I can think of! Anyway, after another horrible day at school, I went back home. "Mom I'm back!" I called. Nobody answered. I didn't expect anyone to anyway. My parents are both teachers, and they spend so much time grading papers, they hardly pay any attention to me. I didn't have any homework, so I wondered what I should do. I decided to fix myself a snack. I was starving. I looked around for some Doritos, my favorite snack. Then I remembered that my parents hasn't gone shopping for weeks and there were none left. "Great, now I have nothing to eat." I mumbled to myself. I went into the living room and turned on the TV. "Maybe there's some life changing news." I said sarcastically. I didn't know back then Ihow right those words were. Anyway, that's chapter 1. Hope you enjoyed and leave some feedback. Chapter 2 should be up soon.
[/size=120] Chapter 2 [/size] I turned on the TV. There was a reporter talking about some criminals breaking out from prison. I didn't pay much attention since I live in a small town and the prison they broke out from was in a city at least 40 miles away from where I live. A few days later I turned on the TV again. The breakout was on news channels everywhere. It was breaking news! (No pun intended.) Everyone at school was talking about it. Justin kept bragging that he wasn't scared at all. Anyway, over the next few weeks everything seemed to die down. The convicts were still on the loose, but the police were focusing on several cities, so I figured we were safe. Soon, Justin stopped bragging and went back to tormenting me. One day, he started teasing me near my locker, and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I grabbed Justin's shirt and threw him to the ground. I punched and kicked as hard as I could. Justin's face was covered with blood, and he had to go to the hospital. I was suspended from school for a week. One day, when I was still suspended from school, I got an email from Justin. "I'm coming for you."
Chapter 3 The next day, I was outside taking a walk when Justin and two of his stupid friends ambushed me. All three of them carried baseball bats. "There you are, punk." Justin said. "You're gonna pay for what happened last week." I started to back away. I was getting really nervous. I could be seriously injured, maybe even die. And I had nothing to defend myself with. All three of them charged at me. They all swung their bats. I was able to dodge two of them, but the third one hit me on the back of the head. Blood instanly gushed out. Justin tackled my and started beated me with the bat. Blood covered my entire face and it was getting on my shirt too. I kicked and punched but Justin kept beating me until I was barely conscious. Finally, with the last of my energy, I kicked Justin off me and quickly grabbed a small rock. Before they had time to react, I threw the stone at them. Justin got out of the way, but his friend behind him wasn't so lucky. The stone hit his shoulder and he fell to the ground. While Justin was still surprised, I quickly grabbed his bat and kicked him, forcing him to let go. I easily took down Justin, and only one more person was left. I recognized Luke Smith from school. Luke was much bigger than me, and I knew I didn't have a chance against him. I dropped my bat and I ran. I ran as fast as I could, without looking back. Two days later, when I was walking home from school, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Justin there, holding a knife. I tried to run but it was too late. Justin stabbed my shoulder. Pain shot up my arm and I fell to e ground. The last then I remember was seeing a car stop beside Justin. Then everything went black.
Chapter 3 Note: this chapter is kinda boring so you can skip it if you want. I woke up in a hospital room. Looking around me, I saw my parents, a few friends I had met at church, and several police officers. I noticed I had a bandage on my shoulder. "Good. He's finally awake." One of the police officers said. He looked at me straight in the eye. "Son, we got a call at around 3 pm the other day claiming that a boy had been assaulted. Obviously you're the one. We have a boy being questioned but I need a statement from you before we can make any decisions. Tell us what happened." I slowly sat up and began to tell him the story. I told him all about Justin bullying me at school, and how I took him down and how he had ambushed me. I told him about how they had almost got me but I escaped. And I told him about how Justin stabbed me the next day. All this time the officers were taking notes. They thanked me and left the room. "Damn, I feel horrible." I mumbled to myself." "I brought my Xbox." Jason, one of my Sunday school friends told me. "We can play some games on the TV." "Ok the feeling has passed." I said. Everyone laughed. We played Madden 13 for a while. 2 hours later, the police returned. "We have enough evidence to prove that the boy is guilty. He will be in juvie for a year." An officer stated. I smiled. Finally, once in my life I felt safe. But that feeling wouldn't last long.
Not realistic at all and your facts are skewed. ie: The police officer does not decide the punishment for crimes, the judge does.
Not enough detail and you skip stuff. The most annoying part was jason. How did he get in there? Did he just spawn with his xbox? He needs to have an entrance. he cant just suddenly be there.
Sry for the unrealistic parts. It was around 12:30 am when I wrote the last chapter so I wanted to finish it quickly
Note: this chapter is Justin's POV Chapter 5 1 year later -------------- Today is April 11, 2014. The day I get let out of juvie. It has been a long year. Lots of things have changed. I've grown bigger. Stronger. And my hatred for Montgomery has grown too. This was the worst year of my life. But it was worth it. Because Montgomery had gotten what he deserved. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to do something, so horrible, that it would affect Montgomery's life. Something that would humiliate him forever. As I went home, I thought about what I could do. I sat down at my room and took out a notepad. I wrote down everything I could do legally.
Note: this chapter is Justin's POV. Chapter 5 1 year later --------------- Today is April 11, 2014. The day I get let out of juvie. Lots of things have changed over the last year. I've grown bigger. Stronger. And my hatred for Montgomery has grown too. It was the worst year of my life. But it was worth it. Because Montgomery had gotten what he deserved. But that wasn't enough. I wanted to do something that would affect his life. Something that would humiliate him forever. As I went home, I thought of what I could do. I sat down in my room and took out a notepad. I wrote down everything I could do legally. 1. Humiliate him in front of his friends. 2. Force him to do something stupid, then tell the entire school what he had done. 3. Tell his crush all his embarassing secrets. I was running out of ideas. I have to admit it, Montgomery was smart and sooner or later he would know that I wanted to make him pay again. I cursed loudly. I had to find out what I could do. I would have to go back to school soon and I had to keep my image, even after a year in juvie. I decided to text my friends to get some ideas. Me: hey Luke. Luke: boss! you're back! Me: yeah. anyway, I want to humiliate that idiot montgomery again. Any ideas? Luke: Pour cold water on him? Me: you're hopeless. Ok, Luke doesn't have any ideas. Then what can I do? Suddenly, I knew. I had plan that would affect Montgomery's life. I had a plan that would humiliate him forever. I had a plan that would work no matter what.
not terrible, but i agree, very unrealistic, and your original storyline from chapters 1 and 2 dont match with chapter 3, i enjoyed reading but you'll have to get into more details and draw out the chapters more