Very interesting. Future travel seems very strange, and has lots of possibilities. One sentence said, "Only a few questions weren't answered with, 'That is classified.'" And I feel like that is an odd way to structure a sentence, grammar wise. Try saying, "The majority of questions we asked were responded with the dull and under enthusiastic phrase, 'That information is classified." Or you can make him say, "Sucks to suck! LOL!" ... I'm excited to read more! Keep it going.
I'm not quite sure what to say about this story to be honest it has lots of potential but I don't truly see a plot to it. But the fluency of the writing an grammar structure is good so all in all it seems like a start of a rathe good read. 5.5/10
^^ There is definite plot line hunting in the first chapter, you would not understand though until the story progresses.
It's a strong start, and has plenty of potential depending on how you take it. I'm confident you'll do a good job but as fair warning, and from experience, plan it out first. Plan out exactly how the new train system will work, and research if it could actually be possible. Then work from there. That's what I'm doing with KR, and I recommend it. Especially for a story like this. Good work though! Keep it up.
Lil, I use a nifty app called [removed due to 3rd party advertising] that allows me to be organized and keep all my ideas n **** in one spot.
It seems like an interesting concept, but I feel like I don't really have enough to comment on yet. I look forward to the next installment!
Next snatchers chapter will be next month, rise was cancelled and new chapter for tram by the end of this week! (Maybe today if I finish it)
Yes, I like it so far. There are people on this thread who make very successful stories. Others decide to try to copy and they fail, mostly because of how quickly they wite it or how bad their grammar is. You, Warry, through seeing the first chapter, are one of the successful ones. Well done.