Till Life's End Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by RhythmThief55, Nov 9, 2012.

  1. Here is the Feedback fourm post any comments, good, bad, imporvements. All are accepted! :D
    (Please keep comments clean [NO SWEARING!!!!!]. Thank you)
    Hope you like my story!

    P.S. The story will be updated every weekend one chapter at a time. 10:00am GMT (UK)
     
  2. Bump great story!!!! :D
     
  3. Paragraphs!

    I feel like you are skipping over details and not describing enough Avoid words like stuff and instead be creative with word choice.

    I also feel like you have a nice concept, and wish you the best! Keep writing! 
     
  4. Great Opening will enjoy reading the rest :D
     
  5. Sorry guys that there wasn't a new chapter on Till Life's End. I was busy the whole weekend. (10th and 11th of novermber)
     
  6. I like it cant wait for more only comment is it could be more detailed
     
  7. DESCRIBE MORE!

    Describing more puts me in the narrator's place, and makes the story much more enjoyable to read. For example:

    The sunshine rose over the hill and I saw him.

    Vs.

    The shining rays of light rose quickly over the miniscule hill to unveil the masked stranger stalking me.

    The second attracts the reader more (I hope) and creates a better image of the tale. You're doing a good job, and your story has lots of potentiall!
     
  8. Yeah I agree
     
  9. Agree, I also hope your going to write more soon mate.
     
  10. Hi everyone. Sorry the story wasn't continued I had some important things to do wich to more time than i thought. It also took my mind off this until i forgot about. But i remembered and came back so look forward for more.
    Rhythm