The Real Deal Feedback

Support since I'm editing for you it would be bad if I didn't. When you're ready for your friendly editor to check your next chapter email me.

 

You're getting better- before I take my leave, why don't I leave a little critique?

Your style's so much better than in the beginning. The annoying little bit is that your voice is still oh so very awkward. I just don't think a lot of your phrases roll off of the tongue right. Read it out loud, both of you, and you'll see what I mean.

 

Yeah eh kinda forgot to put in my editorial tips. Maybe next time

 

Make use of pronouns, you repeat the same names over and over "the ninja" this "the ninja" that. Other than that. The story was great

 

Haha, this is much better and funny at times. The kitchen line made me crack up!

I haven't the time to post mu negative feedback, keep going! It's good so far

 

It's pretty good I agree with flint though I'm sure the next update will be good

 

I feel like it's missing something...

 

Great story can't wait for more

 

Story was not perfect. A few problems.

 

Still good