The Mage-Smith Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *SkyHawk22 (01), Jun 22, 2014.

  1. So, I created this to see if any of you would be interested in me creating this story. I've decided I'll post the first chapter here, and if you all think it's fine, I'll create another thread with the whole story. So here goes:

    Chapter 1: The Smith's Forge

    The sun rose over the trees, light filtering in through gaps in the leaves. Grass sparkled with early dew, but the small village was already awake. People moved and horses clopped through the town square, with various shouts of "Come and get some of the best merchandise in all of Kylvania!"

    The young smith paid no attention to this though. He merely stared his green-eyed gaze upon the masterpiece he was creating. The sounds of the forge were comforting to him, an endless melody of home. He had been awake since before the sun rose over the trees, dedicated to completing his work, and a work it was. The pommel had an emerald adorned in it, a testament to his eyes. The guard was made in intricate leather patterns. The blade itself was stunning but deadly. The young smith had sharpened it for hours on end, and inscribed his name into the back of it, as the steel flowed in a wavelike motion, disconcerting for a second but then warm after another.

    As the sounds of the hammer receded, a little girl raced from a house to the forge, pigtails flailing wildly as she dodged the hustle and bustle of the crowd, and when she finally reached the forge, she merely kept running into the smith's arms. "Hello Kylie," the smith said warmly, eyes twinkling with laughter. "Chronus! Momma said breakfast is ready and expects you all cleaned up within the next ray!" (Rays were considered hours, but in this world you could visibly see the sun's rays) "Alright, tell Momma if she needs me I'll be at the river," Chronus replied as he sent her off.

    End of Chapter 1

    Leave feedback below, and if I made any spelling errors, I would love to see them so I can correct them! Until then, Hawk writing off.
     
  2. Yeah I agree I'd love to read more