This book will not be successful in my opinion. The prologue was not intrigueing at all. I wouldve put the book back by now if I were in a library.
Hmmm, interesting beginning and good overall. However, you used a little too much description so it distracted from the point of the story. Try using more adverbs and sneak in adjectives. For instance: I would not have survived were it not for the elephant sized bird swooping out of the sky to grab me, it's grey feathers making it nearly invisible in the cloudy sky above. It was a roc. That's an example of showing instead of telling Also, try to describe the setting a little more. Before we can see the character we need to see where they're at.
Ur not really posting interestingly u just name ur character off and describe them right after try something like this I awoke to the familiar sounds of sword edges scraping against one another. I quickly woke up my lieutenants and grabbed my sword and shield. Cheese rose up and grabbed his personally handcrafted crossbow. He was as accurate as any longbow man at range. Surprisingly, our little assassin (forgot name) has already entered the fray and started assisting the soldiers. I was startled by one of my men stormed through the door. "G-g-general, we need your help on the battlefield. We are outnumbered 5 to 1." Pondering my next move, I finally gave my response. "Retreat back to our neighboring stronghold. We have not the resourses to win this fight." "Right away, sir." At this he left and announced the fallback. "So," Cheese finally asked, "We're heading to (again, I forget). What then when we get there?" I summoned my Roc, Pulse, to my side. "We wait and destroy these vermin at (place I forgot)." try not to make a list outta the story hope I helps
Yeah a bit, except there wasn't a battle going on, just some friendly men stormed in, saw who it was, and brought them back to the fort to join up.