The Invisible Kingdom

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Reid, Sep 15, 2013.

  1. Hey guys! I told you all that read my sisters (Princess Notch) thread that I would be coming with a story of my own soon. Keep in mind I did not have time to edit it. Here it is!

    The Invisible Kingdom
    Chapter 1, Part 1

    I knew it was selfish of me to think I could get away with not going to work on a day like this.
    It was beautiful out. Perfect weather, green grass, clear air.

    But I hated all that. I hated it because it meant I had to work for Mr. Grinsley today. Working for Mr. Grinsley is not easy. He puts you to work all day, having you sell things on the streets. Very different from the ideal jobs around these parts.

    I dressed myself in the best clothes I had, and headed out the door of the appartment.
    On the way, I stopped by Baker and Co. for a piece of recently baked bread. I thought about the work I would have to do today, and how much I hated it.
    It was hard, and unfair, but I needed to do it so my little brother Sam could have 3 meals a day.

    It was odd that not many people were on the streets. The route I take usually has twice as many people.
    The people who were out were keeping their heads down and walking fast. I wondered what had happened.

    When I got to work I found out.

    End of Chapter 1, Part 1.
    Stay tuned for Chapter 1, Part 2.

    :)
     
  2. Good so far.

    The suspense…
     
  3. As there is no feedback thread I am assuming I can post on this one.
    It's looking promising so far. As your sister said there is indeed an air of suspence.
    I would recommend posting larger chunks - it took me less than a minute to read that.
     
  4. Ok. Thanks for the feedback! If it gets enough replys I will make a feedback thread.
     
  5. Keep going. I agree it took me a minute too
     
  6. Seems promising...
     
  7. Ok I will try to post something after school. If not, it will be later tonight.
     
  8. Sorry guys too tired from school to write. Ugh. I really need to upload it.
     
  9. Gunna post? It looks, promising, as of right now.
     
  10. Yeah yeah
    Just real busy with school.