Chapter 1 It had been 6 weeks since zarlaux's forces had overrun Bruno's village. He had been living off the environment since then along with his few possesions. There was a rustle in the bushes.Snap! The snare close around the hare. "Yes!" Bruno thought to himself, "There's dinner tonight." He picked up the hare, put it in his game bag, and reset the snare. He trudged back to his camp as night fell over the land of Aarsikaed. He skinned and claened the hare before putting it in the pot to boil over the fire. He worked on carving the wooden model of his old home. He ate the hare and went to sleep *. *. *. The next day he woke up and ate a quick breakfast of berries and walnuts found in the area. He decided he would explore the region today. He packed his back and set off. He hiked through the woods admiring the nature. Then he noticed some thing very unusual. Smoke was rising in the east! He moved to investigate it and came upon a small shack. He hesitantly unsheathed his tomahawk. He knocked on the door. No response. He found that the door was unlocked and he walked. inside. It seemed abandoned. Then, Bruno. heard a sound in the next room over. He peered in. Inside, a middle aged man was reading a book. He had short cut brown hair and piercing green eyes. The man stared up from the book. "Hello Bruno." he said. Chapter 2 Bruno stood stunned. " How do you know my name?" he asked the man."I foresaw you coming here. I also know that you are destined for greatness." said the man."My name is Omix and I am going to be your master and trainer." Bruno looked at him questioningly."Trainer of what?" he asked. " Well magic of course!" Omix replied. "Come along then and we can get started. We have a lot of work to do if you are to challenge the evil warlock Zarlaux." Before Bruno could respond, Omix added. "And that was a command not a suggestion." Bruno hurried after him. TO BE CONTINUED...
Chapter one seemed to be a bunch of pointless background, not very interesting, and rushed. Usually with the first chapter you are introducing your character in a way that would captivate your audience or at least make them want to keep reading until the story picks up around the 2nd-3rd chapters. Chapter 2 is just starting to become a tad interesting. Maybe lengthen the chapters so the reader can actually grasp the story and subject? By the way,the last sentence of chapter one makes it seem as if there is more that should be said. If you want to create a cliff hanger then you have to do it correctly or you just leave the reader wondering if you made a mistake or if you ran out of things to say. Good job so far though