The betrayal of a queen volume 1

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *fongite (01), Dec 31, 2012.

  1. This is my first fan fic plz enjoy!!!
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    It was a dark night,the moon shone brightly over the DDE castle,when a dark figure appeared in the courtyard.

    ???:Here I go,time to join the DEE army.

    The figure disappears in a flash off light

    The king was in the thrown room with his best men and his queen

    Queen: my king, do u just see a bright light?

    King: no my queen,it must of been your imagination,as you were saying Horas

    Horas:yes sir,the guards have spotted a giant boar on the edge of our la...

    He was interrupted my the doors of the thrown room being slammed open
     
  2. Sorry guys I hit post too early :(
     
  3. Please, proofread. There's a huge number of typos, grammar mistakes, and all around stupid issues with this. Also, your sentences are too short and choppy; it sounds more like a little kid's scribbling than a "volume".