The Archer Before You Start Reading I'd Like to Say I wont Make a Feedback Thread and Leave Rude Comments At The Door Cause its Pointless Telling Me Them Because I Dont Care If You Trash My Story Prolouge I was walking in the dark forest all alone, when, out of no where, an arrow flew right past my head. It scared me because I though if that had hit me i would've died! I carefully creeped forwards to see a boy about 16, shooting arrows at targets in a meadow. His eyes were icy blue, his jet black hair came down to his chin. I took another step forwards and stepped on a twig. "Who's there?!" He yelled in my direction "Come out!" I moved away from the tree looking up at him. He had a annoyed look on his face until he looked down at me. "Who are you?" he asked with a confused tone " I'm Briar..." I answer quietly " I'm Blake. I'm an archer in training." He said " I love archery, but i'm no good at it..." I said with a sigh He walked towards me and looks right at me with his icy blue eyes. "I could teach you." Blake replied with a smile And thus my days of becoming an archer began! ~~~~~~~ Please tell me if you like it. And like i said at the top, idc for ur rude comments, But if you have constructive crittizim to make the story better, wall it to me.
The bone is there, but it's (no offense) boring, dull and needs description. Check out Broken. That's what a story in FF should look like.
Priestess I would wall but I'm silenced :/ so my feedback is this- Description is very good, but some parts you say obvious stuff like 'I was scared if it hit me id have died' Lol... maybe delete sentences like that and add first bit as a noun like 'frightened, I thought how I could have died.'? Maybe write out on paper before posting, That's what I'm doing for my story I'm writing (I suck at English though ) But it's good, continue
This actually has some real potential. You can just keep editing and revising, and slowly, it'll get better and better! I'd like to see it after you edit/revise a few times. Good idea! Keep working!
Like Smexy said, it's there, but you have to bring it out. You ALMOST had it, but there was no flow. It was simply this then this then this. Make it flow more, make it natural. As my philosophy goes, you write for yourself, not as an assignment put upon you by others.