Taking Flight Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Smighter89, Mar 31, 2013.

  1. This is a place to post feedback for Taking Flight.

    Anyone mind getting a link? I will next time I get on PC, if no one can't.
     
  2. If no one can't?

    Smight, go home. You're drunk.
     
  3. Seems pretty promising so far, very descriptive too. I can't tell what direction the story is going though, but I'm assuming that's because this is just the first post.
     
  4. I told you to fix that lack of story in your introduction already, didn't I?

    Meh.

    Couple grammatical errors (it's/its). Other than that... story. Also, censored words. Yeah.
     
  5. I was too lazy.

    There's more story in coming chapters. And I didn't realize that was censored. So... Yeah.
     
  6. I agree it's very descriptive. Kinda feels like you're throwing it all at the reader at once though, since you through a lot of characters out in the open at once without much personality of the characters showing, bringing the reader out of the moment you created. Try to show not tell. If you redo those descriptions and wish to get it out of the way in the first chapter, I suppose you could describe where they are in the room and what they look like and how the characters react to each other, like you did with Logan and Icarus. Such as where they are sitting and who with, what they have on them or what they're wearing etc. I'm hooked though:)
     
  7. Yeah, WW, I was feeling tired of writing when I did that. I'll stop writing other chapters and fix that, I didn't realise in the moment it was that bad.
     
  8. *Fixed most of it, reading through and adding some things. Will edit on computer next time I get on and will post a link to story in feedback thread as well as post a link to the feedback thread in the story.
     
  9. New chapter cause I was bored.

    Still working on getting the first post edited. I'll do it soon, and I'll announce it when it is.
     
  10. I am amused.

    And yeah, I know it wasn't intentional.

    Nonetheless, I am amused.
     
  11. Shut up. .-.
     
  12. I like it, good read so far.
     
  13. Interesting way to introduce characters... But I guess it works. I felt everyone was just thrown in my face. Keep it up, looks interesting. 
     
  14. I fixed it, just haven't had the time to implement it. Sorry.
     
  15. Shortest chapter written so far. Fixed first chapter, if anyone cares.
     
  16. It sounds a lot better and is more interesting to read. Careful not to switch between past and present tense or you'll confuse the reader. I can't wait for more:)
     
  17. Yeah, past/present tense is my weakness. If I ever actually publish a book, I need an editor just for that.

    And I have chapters 1-5 done, just keeping some to myself in case I fall victim to Writers Block. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. :3
     
  18. I contemplated not putting this chapter up, I didn't really like it and still don't. The dodgeball scene is a little cheesy.

    Tell me what you think about it?
     
  19. Actually, the dodgeball scene is well done in my opinion. I like it.