TAKE OVER:Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011.

  1. Put your feed back here please it's my first fan fiction!
     
    #1 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  2. Better grammar. Please.
     
    #2 cheesemuffin, Aug 12, 2011
  3. Remember this is in the eyes of kids and I really can't redo the things I already posted unless I make a new thread. But thank you for your feed back I will take this into consideration I am also a teen
     
    #3 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  4. Will make more but I need a break
     
    #4 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  5. Ima take break again iPod is near death
     
    #5 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  6. It's a good story, but better grammar, please. It will make it easier to understand what's going on 
    Otherwise, great story 
     
    #6 *OkamiAmaterasu (01), Aug 12, 2011
  7. Not bad for a noob at writing stories for the first time!
     
    #7 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  8. I feel the story is really rushed, and you need better grammar. You need to describe the setting more too, all you're focused on is the plot ATM.
    And could you please change the name of the academy? It's just seems a bit too close to my own story.(Since you have the main character having telepathy too) Otherwise I have no issue with it so far.
     
    #8 Storallelite, Aug 12, 2011
  9. Will do I totally forgot it's rush in the beginning nothing interesting in the beginning at meheco It will be more explained
     
    #9 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  10. hey all :D im the alt of poptartz so dont yell at me cuz im the alt i promise if you dont see the that shame on you! lol :lol: :eek: :eek: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: thank you and please enjoy!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p
     
    #10 *iGhost (01), Aug 12, 2011
  11. Gotta love comps :p :lol: :mrgreen:
     
    #11 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 12, 2011
  12. viewtopic.php?f=12&t=74378

    theres the link to the story! thank you!
    :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :D :D :D :D :D :cool: :cool: :cool: :cool: :D :D :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
     
    #12 *iGhost (01), Aug 12, 2011
  13. ༄Good story. make the chapters longer lol༄

    iZaln
     
    #13 Nlaz, Aug 12, 2011
  14. will do zaln! will do this is gonna be a short chaper kinda... :p
     
    #14 *iGhost (01), Aug 12, 2011
  15. I'm in, yaaaay 
    Great story, describe the characters a bit more though 
     
    #15 *OkamiAmaterasu (01), Aug 13, 2011
  16. Im back sorry
     
    #16 Original_SwordMaster, Aug 14, 2011
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