I watched helplessly as my comrades where impaled by Claydor. "Fall back goto plan B!!!!" Shouted Denton. I sprinted back and I turned around right before the corner where our ambush lay I saw Denton fighting the beast with all his might he looked me in the eye and I watched as Claydor bashed him to the side with his tusks. "NOOOOOOO!!!!" I screamed. I rushed out to the beast and pulled out my sword and trust at the beast slicing off one of his tusks . He charged at me I moved to the side but no fast enough. The straps to my armour broke and my chest plate fell to the ground. I stood there with my sword level waiting for the beast to charge again. He ignored me and walked onward I picked up a rock and flung it at the beast. "Well that pissed that a**hole off" I mumbled. He charged at me one hundred yards fifty yards and it was suddenly flung aside I looked back and saw Emily had shoved me. She yelled at me to get back and ran to cover herself. "Launch the Trap" Shouted another Commander. The roof of the cave collapsed on the beast. It twitched once. Then it was dead.
I dislike this strongly you made it to stupid for the dumb folk and wwwwwaaayyy to stupid for the smart folk. As for creativity you also failed on that front. Seems as if you gave yourself a deadline and rushed like crazy to finish. But at least you tried.
Balto yes I agree I hadn't had my editor around for this episode and I just posted it because I got impatient I'll try harder to do it "smarter"
Gonna get banned for bypass ! And that was seriously the worst ever page of writing, I think, wen chu htz meh, I cri vry mch. I'd Better than this 'TEA Chronical'.
That's not very nice. As a writer you need to accept criticism. You don't need to like it, but you do need to understand not everyone will ride your vision as you do. I see what you're doing in the story, but having a mass garble of text doesn't do your story justice. You need to put in work. Space it. Check spelling. Add pictures, BB codes, etc. And put it in the "Fan Fiction" section where writers are generally more accepted. Trolls in KAW are everywhere. Even if this was perfect you'd have idiots trying to fire you up to see you squirm. Just like in real life.
Plus I'd watch it. Even in FF, you need to abide by the RoC and not bypass. You've done it twice. I advise going and correcting it before a mod sees it.
I was not trolling I was being serious in my constructive criticism. Telling him where to do better. Give him some credit he chose a terrible topic to write on and tried to make it decent. He failed , but that's a hard thing to do.