Please post any feedback or thoughts on it. Maybe some suggestions as to how I can improve, or maybe even some ideas you have that you want to see
The story rushes well to fast into the...story w/ out giving it a little bit more um damn it totally forgot that word well it doesn't give more story to the story more transition
Into it Some in like PROLOGUE It was a cold winter day as leaves fluttered around the young mage. Today he would make his first exorcism and hopefully save the little girl from becoming a host. A small bead of sweat began to fall down his forehead with that he stepped onto the front porch........
Or Damn was all that the young Mage thought as the demonic blade slashed through his chest plate like paper. Dropping to the floor clutching his chest the man fell as did the others around him. "...Why do humans give there lives to prolong others it's pitiful you and your kinds emotions you should have used that opening to kill me" said the Demon as he stepped over the Mage walking ever closer to a woman and child huddled in the corner of an ally. " it's because *cough emotions are wat separate us from..the likes of you." Said the Mage as he stood sword held high.The demon turned to faced the mortally wounded man" still alive that body of yours won't be able to take any more poison I'm sure you can feel it through your vains the souls of the dead screaming at you" The Mage took a step closer" yea I know-MARIA TELEPORT NOW!" Screamed the young man as he dived at the demon now caught completely off guard."If I die your coming back to hell with me" and with that a large explosion of pure light vaporized the entire metropolotion area of New York. As the flames ingulfed the man his final words were "I love you"....
@shadowking u should write a story, just saying if u made that off the top of ur head, that's pretty good Emerald, I think your story has a great plot, but u kinda need to slow down and be more descriptive. We don't even know who the main characters name is! Go a a little more into detail about the being mortal gods and all and explain their position more thoroughly but overall, good story
Great story bro could suggest some things though, be more descriptive, slow down, and make sure to proofread. But real good story
Oh yea I remember know information little background paint the big wide picture to attract more reader