Hey guys thanks for all of your positive feedback! Please post here who you think was in Lailahs dream, and who is her 'prince in shining armour'
First of all they did not have armor sure an occasional bronze breasplate but no head to toe armour and certainly not shiny
Hmmm... No offense, but I don't think it's good enough to publish. If it makes you feel better neither is my story . Some Reasons Why: 1) The story line is a bit cliché. The girls parents die, she is sent off to live with relatives who aren't very nice, but then she meets a cute boy who makes it all better. 2) The language of the story isn't very sophisticated. You don't sound like a young girl, you sound like a young girl trying to write about a young girl. Plus a lot of the sentences are run on and doesn't flow very well. 3) The plot is confusing and a bit dull. There is too much foreshadowing and not enough explanation. Yeah we get it that the sisters aren't all they seem to be. Yeah we get their smiles are fake. Any reasons, any emotions showing up other than fakeness? Also you keep talking about the Greek times like you're from the future. In the earlier chapters, you said something like "I am tan because it's 4000 BC in Greece." well your character hasn't known any other time or place, so why should she say that? Plus NEVER start off a story with "Hi my name is _____ and this is my story." that is REALLY bad. Big thing, don't describe the main character in great detail when talking in the 1st person. That's a bad use of language and detracts from the story, making it more confusing and choppy. Try throwing in stuff like "I brushed my blonde hair out of my face" or "My dark brown eyes reflected in the water below me." Plus you throw in random plot twists without much forethought. Yes we already knew the sisters weren't all nice, but there is no reason or explanation given to why the girl is so mean on the beach. She just seems like a loose cannon. In short, it seems that you have it all worked out in your head, but it doesn't translate well when you write it. I don't mean to be offensive or hurtful in any way, that's just my personal reflection
Due to this person^ I've decided to stop writing my story. She's really hurt me, and I don't see the point in continuing. My story DOES have a plot. There IS a reason why all of the sisters hate her. ^ should have waited a bit longer to be mean, because now, because of her, you all will never know. I'm not amazing at writing, it's just for a laugh. How am I meant to know how they spoke when it was like, 6000 years ago? I wasn't ever going to get it published, I was just wondering about who thought I should. But as I'm nice, I'll tell u now what I would have told u: •Lailah fancied Cole. (yes I know, none of you saw that coming) •if ^ person would have waited, all of the girls 15 had boyfriends. As Lailah was pretty, they saw her as a threat to them, because they thought she would steal their boyfriends from them. They are the main things that ^ was fussed about. Also, I keep doing ^ to ashame the person who stopped me from writing this story! I'm sorry! I liked writing this, but ^ has made me completely lose my confidence! Bye guys! Please wall me about anythingggg!