Story Of Joe Morgan Part 1

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by FireBallDashReborn, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. As I lay in the grass unable to move,blood escaped from the wound on the side of my face. I had no idea what had happened, or who I was,I got up and found a bag nearby. Inside the bag were medical supplies,food,water,and a 9mm pistol with 7 rounds. I took the medical supplies and patched up the wound. I then heaved the bag onto my shoulders and started heading off in a random direction. It didn't take me long to realize I was in an abandoned city,there were no men,women,children, pets,anything,I was completely alone with no memory of past life or of this place. I felt in my pockets and found a wallet with an ID in it,"Joe Morgan" my name was Joe Morgan. I put the wallet back in my wallet as I decided to get out of the city, I found a old dusty car with the keys still in,I tried to open the door but found it was locked,so I kicked out the window and hopped in. I was surprised to find the car still worked and had a full tank. Either way I didn't really care, I wasn't about to stay in a ghost town. As I started to drive out of the city, I didn't notice the creature that was following me.
     
  2. Potential, yes, punctuation, no. Punctuation is key. Mind if I take a crack at rewriting the Op in my own style?
     
  3. Some of your comma's are followed by a word immediately,like this. It should be a little different, like this.
     
  4. Consciousness came to me slowly. I blinked several times, before trying to get up. I couldn't. Crap. I opened my eyes all the way, and assessed my situation. I had no idea what had happened. I felt the ground near me. Grass. And blood. Blood had soaked the ground near my face. I touched my forehead, and quickly jerked my hand back. Yeah. It was my blood.
    Slowly, and with much effort I pushed myself to my feet, and saw a weathered brown duffel bag laying nearby. I walked toward it, but stumbled and fell to my knees.
    "Come on..." I tried to think of my name. My name. It was right there dammit! But I lost it, I couldn't remember it. I couldn't remember who I was. Where I came from. Crap.
    I grunted and shoved myself to my feet once more, and resumed my journey to the bag. I bent down and opened it, examining the contents inside.
    Supplies, some MRE's, water, and a Springfield 9mm pistol. I grabbed the pistol, and ejected the magazine. Half full. Seven shots. What the hell happened here?
    I stuffed the gun into my belt. Then I turned to the rest of the stuff. I gingerly cleaned the wound on my forehead and wrapped it with a Carlisle battle wrap. I then heaved the bag onto my shoulders and started toward what I assumed was West.
    I started taking in my surroundings, and it seemed I had entered the seventh circle of hell. It was once a city, that much was obvious. But all that was left was smoking ruins, and a icy, calm quiet. There were no people. No hum of machinery normally attributed to cities, no smell of gas from cars, not even the odd pigeon. I was completely alone with no memory of past life or of this place. But I knew enough to know that something was very, very wrong here.
    I felt in my pockets and found a wallet with an ID in it. "Joseph E. Morgan" my name was Joe Morgan. I searched the wallet, and came up with twenty bucks, and a Country Club membership card. No clues at all, besides the license. I sighed.
    "Joe, what the hell happened to you?" I asked myself out loud. The echo of my voice was louder than expected. As I listened to it, I decided I needed to get out of dodge, and fast. If there was anything still here, it couldn't be good. After searching around, I found a dusty F-150, with the keys sitting on the leather seat. tried to open the door but found it was locked, despite the keys being inside. I drew the handgun and aimed, but then decided against the noise of a shot. I flipped it over, and hit the butt against the window, shattering it. I cringed at the noise, but reached through and unlocked it, before opening the door and climbing in.
    I put the key in the ignition, and turned it, and much to my surprises, it roared to life. The tank was almost full which seemed even more odd. In a cataclysmic event like the one that must have hit this city, cars would be emptied. I shrugged, either way I didn't really care, I wasn't about to stay in a ghost town.
    I put it in drive, and navigated through the streets. When I reached a highway, got on. I didn't notice the creature that was following me.
     
  5. Hey Zeth your sentence structure isn't up to par.
     
  6. Hey, Zeth, your sentence structure isn't up to par.*
    gotta remember those comma's, bud.
     
  7. Right in the feels.
     
  8. Take out the comma after hey....that's grammatically incorrect
     
  9. Sorry, I, type, like, William, shatner, sometimes.