Start of my new story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Mr_Bluejay, Jul 21, 2010.

  1. Now, if you are reading this because you want to feel like a superhero and experience a better world, shut this now! This is the story of my sister, Alaina, and I. Oh yes, we haven't been properly introduced I'm Nico. I grew up on the east-side of manhattan. Houston street to be exact, with my sister Alaina. Thing is, we are not exactly like normal kids you see. W
    e never really knew our dad until he turned up on our doorstep the other day. and that's where we begin.

    A knock at the door awoke me, I caught the small snippets of a conversation, a rushed hurried one but a conversation nevertheless. My sister burst into my room screaming 
    "it's daddy,it's daddy!"
    I bolted upright in my bed 
    "daddy? Alaina daddy hasn't been in touch in well,forever." 
    before I could finish she cut in tripping over herself with excitement
    "no it's really him it's daddy he's come to see us."
    Our father had left when Alaina was a  tiny baby and had never looked back so I figured she must just be joking when my mother burst in
    "She's telling the truth Nico, your father is waiting downstairs to talk to you,"
    I was lost for words I never thought of my father re-appearing, I had abandoned that hope many years ago. And to be perfectly honest I didn't want to meet him because he might not live up to my high expectation.

    I entered cautiously into the room,and there on the sofa was a normal man, but he seemed to radiate power, power as old as time itself.
    "Dad?"
    "Yes it is Nico," I was awestruck even though my mum had told me it was him I didn't believe it then suddenly childhood memories flooded back to me, his booming laughter, and the soothing tone of his voice, yes, this was him. 
    "Nico,"he said " brace yourself," in a split second he erupted into flames! But they were flames that did not burn or even char it was if they bent to my dads will. But I took that for-granted
    And tried to think what he had meant by "brace, yourself."
    What I noticed later was that even though my father had erupted into flames it did not bother me I knew he was still alive, and that if my dad controlled fire he was defiantly not Human.
     
  2. So thanks guys if u have read it either post here or in the feedback forum
     
  3. Very good boss!!!!
     
  4. Annabelle likes it too
     
  5. For u to read pixiepoppie
     
  6. Omg gandalf!! It's reallygood. Mines on the writers cafe!!!! But yours is way better than mine
     
  7. This is the next chapters of gandalfs story:
    Chapter 2

    After the events of the day I was glad to get into my bed, but I was kept awake with the thoughts of my father, why would he leave my mom? I promised myself I'd confront him with it the next time I saw him.

    "CRASH!" I woke up startled and confused, then I felt something cold against the back of my head, it will be a feeling I never forget, a feeling that would haunt me the rest of my life. It was the feeling of a 9 millimetre pistol, I don't know how I knew that but I'd always understood everything about machinery, my mom said it came from my dad but I'd never understood why but that wasn't important now
    "Get up," said a voice from behind me and the pistol jerked upwards toward the base of my skull.
    "who are you?" I shouted.
    "let's just say I'm no friend of your father,"he cackled in his shrill tone of voice.
    I knew he was about to kill me, so I made one last attempt to overpower him, it was a stupid idea, the guy was at least six foot and armed, but I jumped at him, maybe it was my ADHD that made me want to injure him but instead I kicked the pistol out of his hand, it slid across the floor and I charged for it, but the man re materialised next to it and pointed it at my chest, now call me crazy but I don't think he was gonna let me live.
    "Aaaaaaaaahhhhh," once again I charged it was an insane move but I hit him with the palm of my hand right in the chest, he doubled over in pain, and I took the gun.
    "who sent you?" I shouted as I aimed the gun between his eyes,
    "ha ha you will never know, go on kill me I don't care,"
    "I said, who sent you?"
    Before I could continue I heard a scream from the next room, my sisters room!

    I ran next door to find my sister but she was gone! I was devastated, the only person who'd I'd wished was truly safe was gone. I ran to the window and saw her struggling with one of the other goons I was about tl
    o jump out and help her when, I noticed in my confusion I had left the man in my room! I felt a hard hit at the base of my skull, then everything was dark...

    Chapter 3

    I woke up the next morning in a heap on the floor,
    "hello nico," said a voice next to me
     
  8. Well not all of no3 need to finish it
     
  9. It's goin really good gandalf. I like how u relate back to the earlier chapter and how u mention the dad being able to know what machienery it is ect. I really enjoyed it!!!!!!!!!

    I need more!!!!!!!!
     
  10. Awsome story so far bud. Hope u keeep posting more of it. Never thought I could get into a good story while playing kaw. You proved me wrong. I will have to keep bumping so I know where to look for it. Cheers mate.
     
  11. Wow thanks man
     
  12. BUMP
     
  13. I'm guessing he likes it
     
  14. the whole first part sounds like copy&paste from "the lightning thief," anyone notice?
     
  15. Next chapter

    Chapter 3

    I woke up the next morning in a heap on the floor,
    "hello nico," said a voice next to me "how did you sleep?"
    I noticed the voice was that of my friend Mark.
    "Not very well at all." I replied
    "I can't even contemplate what you are  going through at the moment," he said 
    "but I know it's hard."
    Mark had always understood me he could tell my moods and my thoughts it was as if he was inside my head, which had always scared me a little.
    "When did you get here?" I asked
    "I'm not to sure actually, but when I got here you were out cold."
    I wondered if he knew where sister was, I mean Mark knew everything about the city of Manhattan, and most of it's inhabitants, if he didn't know who would?
    "Mark do you know where my sister is? I was going to follow there car but I was knocked out."
    He replied "I may have a vague idea, but, you must heal before we leave." to my knowledge I wasn't to badly injured I tried to get up but I fell in pain 
    "don't move I've just bandaged the wound, it looks like you were stabbed in the leg,I'm surprised you weren't killed by the bullets I found in the wall, but I suppose you've never been badly hurt by machinery before that's maybe why you weren't shot."
    He was right a couple of years ago there was a large gang war in Manhattan and I was caught in a crossfire with my sister and I had tried to shield her with my body the bullets had curved around my body, after that I was known as a hero but I knew I had nothing to do with it, I could feel it in my bones it had come from another power an older unexplainable power.
     
  16. Wow it IS like the lightning thief. Instead of Poseidon it's hepheastus though