Hey guys. I've always been interested with writing. Ever since I read some of the great fantasy books I've wanted to be able to create my own world. When you're writing stories, you are the creator of this imaginary world. You can do anything your heart desires. I've written up a little summary or beginning section for my book. It gives kind of a history/backround before embarking into the story. I haven't listed the main character or plot here but you'll get the idea. The reason I'm posting this here is to get a little feedback on whether or not this seems "cool". Of course, all my friends say its great but honestly, it could suck and they would still say its great. I picked you guys because you give good criticism and since its the Internet you don't have to hurt my feelings to my face haha. So finally, here it is: Warning, it is a bit long if you are using an IPod/IPhone/Android. A current summary of the Five Kingdoms and the history of the Realm for the Unlearned (Inserted into every document) Signed, Lord Weirn THE REALM (This text is to be inserted into every document of the Realm for the unlearned) The realm is composed of all the Empires, Lands, and Islands combined. The Realm used to be one empire strong with unity. Men, however, lusted for power. Long ago, 5 lords rebelled against the king of the Realm and took his life. They split the land amongst themselves. Kratos would receive Scraesh, Tylendal would receive Valtose, Pravkos would receive Mortec, Yyllindel would receive Mearchet Isle, and Adomist would receive Regail. These five lands, however, were small in comparison to the Realm as a whole. The five Kingdoms composed many expeditions into unknown territories but no expeditions ever returned. However, soon a party from Yyllindel’s Mearchet Isle returned from an unknown land. Many dark things resided outside their domain that could risk their empires. After much debate, the Treaty of the Realm was created. It written down that no Empire could travel outside of the kingdoms they have formed. The five Lands, Valtose, Mearchet, Mortec, Regail, and Scraesh, would become the Realm and anything outside of these kingdoms would be considered The Shadow for many dark beings lived there. The kingdoms lived in harmony for many years. Sadly, Kratos lord of Scraesh craved power more than any other. He ventured into The Shadow and returned more powerful than any man. He mustered armies of dark beings and threatened to crumble the Realm. The other four lands combined their armies and attacked lord Kratos together. His kingdom fell within five years. The five founders of the Realm have been dead for many years now. The present times of the kingdoms can be learned in the summaries below. The Realms Empires and Cities Valtose Empire : The most prominent Kingdom in all of the realm. It also holds the largest military, however; it lacks strong trade ports whereas the Mearchet Isle has much prosperity from trade. Therefore, the Mearchet Isle is partially under reign of the Valtose Empire. Valtose Cities : 1. Valtase – The capital of Valtose 2. Voltaire – Richest city in Valtose 3. Troltar – Rough city. Produces most soldiers. 4. Lenaire – Lays close to a mine. Produces minerals for the Valtose. 5. Cai – Main center of trade for the Valtose. Produces spices and silk. 6. Vil – Home of the Bravarin Temple. Many priests learn healing and magic here. It is best to stay away from this city if you have no business there. Mearchet Isle : Best known for its large trade and abundance of specialty goods. Weak military forces, however it musters the largest naval force in all the realm. Most of the Isle’s navy, however, is under command of the Valtose Empire. Mearchet Isle Cities : 1. Shkei Val Antose – Capital of Mearchet. Home to the King of the Isle. 2. Lok – Home to many naval officers. The city where ships are designed. 3. Vor – Fishing town. 4. Eil – Fishing town. 5. Kri – Main city for trade in Mearchet. Renowned for its massive gardens. 6. Din – Second center of trade. Creates and trades 80% of the Realms silk. Mortec Lands : Mortec is a barren land composed of savages (According to the Valtose). It has been at war with the Valtose Empire for countless years. It has poor military and poor naval fronts, however, it makes up for its lack in soldiers by training skilled warriors. Mortec Cities : 1. Mortic – Capital of Mortec 2. Ungai – Produces most of the lands warriors. 3. Wintelaire – Main center of trade for the Mortec. 4. Bobesch – Rough city. Known to harbor many criminals from the Valtose lands. 5. Odaire – Miner city. Produces 95% of Mortec’s minerals. Scraesh : Little is known of Scraesh in the famous Libraries of the Valtose. Few explorers have travelled here and none have returned. This land is avoided at all costs. Scraesh Cities : 1. Scraish – Capital of Scraesh 2. Voltec – Savage city. Follows brutal laws set by their “god” 3. Lisk – Has few trade ships. Rarely trades with Mearchet. 4. Raish – Nothing is known about Raish. 5. Zaldvor – Nothing is known about Zaldvor 6. Scorn – Former Capital of Scraesh. Reason of demolition is unknown. Regail Empire : Rivals the Valtose Empire in military and stature, however; has only been involved in one war since its foundation. Has a large trade base. Rarely involved in wars with the realm. The Regail Empire has been a coveted place to reside by many. It is common for older folks to move there when they retire, enjoying in its peace from war. Regail Cities : 1. Regael – Capital of the Regail Empire. 2. Tyvir – Peaceful town. Produces much of the Empires food. 3. Xil – Xil (Pronounced ‘Sill’) is stationed in the desert. Mostly known for harvesting rare desert herbs used in medicines. 4. Yyv – Yyv (Pronounced ‘Eve’) Is the main center of trade for the Regailions. 5. Grinesh – Produces most of the empires soldiers and has many training camps located there. 6. Ain – Largest mining city in all of the Realm. Produces 50% of all the minerals mined in the entire Realm. The Realm and its Noble’s 1. Rayk – King of Valtose b. Lord Weirn – Scribe to the King and renown historian c. Lord Brisil – Commander of Valtose Armies d. Lord Quentil – Main advisor to King Rayk e. Lord Krux – Head of Finances 2. Vyk Ein Pyre – King of Mearchet Isle a. Lord Uveil – Main representative of the king. Second in command of Mearchet. Lord Uveil is an ambassador from Valtose. Advises the king. b. Lord Thalos – Commands Mearchet’s armies and scribes the Isle’s trade outflow and inflow. c. Lord Haln – Head of Finances 3. Tryyl – King of Regail a. Lord Scalk – Commander of Regailian armies. b. Lord Nierv – Advisor to the king. c. Lord Dale – Close friend of the King and is used to speak to the people of Regail when the King cannot. d. Lord Elendor – Head of Finances 4. Vale – King of Mortec a. Lord Illiac – Commander of Mortec’s armies. b. Lord Plien – Head of finances. c. Lord Alandor – Main advisor to Vale P.S. - Sorry if there are any failed BBCodes.
Here is the plot or summary of the book. NOTE: This is VERY ROUGH. This portion will be greatly modified over the course of the book since I honestly do not know what I will think of and write while in the moment. Criticism is welcome however do note that this will be constantly revised. Young Drayk has always aspired to enlist into the Valtose military, fight in historic battles, and bring glory to his kingdom. Enlisting as soon as possible, he gains experience quickly, and is soon sent to the frontlines of the battlefield against Mortec. After many years, victory was in Valtose's grasp. Whether it was fate or by a stroke of luck, Drayk had the pleasure of speaking with a dying Mortec soldier. Questions were aroused. What if everything you had been taught; was a lie? Is Valtose as just and as righteous as it claims? What truly happened to King Kratos and Scraesh? Drayk finds himself in a difficult position. Is he willing to risk his life trying to learn the truth, or will he stay content and follow the laws of the Valtose? The fate of the Realm may depend on it.
Whipped Cream, I'm also currently writing another book named "Kingdoms At War". But I did not post a thread of it yet since I haven't completed the book. Still a long way to go.
It looks and sounds pretty cool to me... I'm just kind of wondering what exactly you wanted us to criticize. Are you talking about the story in general or what...kind of lost.
Didn't read, merely skimmed. You've thought it out much more than I have haha. When I write things I just go where my mind takes me from what I skimmed looks good
@Excaliber I guess just the story in general. My main question is kind of like this: Does this little summary make you interested in reading the story in its entirety.
TBH whip, if a person enjoys fantasy then I'm sure they'd like it. If they don't like fantasy then they won't. Anyways goodluck on it.
I will buy this book. Please tell me when you get it published so I can go out and buy. This, to me, feels very much like a mix of Dragon Lance saga (without all the fantasy elements that make the saga) and the Sword of Truth series. Very interesting read. I like the idea. Please make this book happen.
I'm also writing my own book called "Between hell." It's about the underworld Why.you.using.so.many.full.stops.though?
I hope frog comments. He is very easy to bump heads with but give great advice on post like this after you get past his first wave of criticism. My view, songs good. You seem to have base setting and without relieving the charters or plot that is about all you can show. Though I would never put that at a prolog of a book. Honestly what I do is this. World map. I try to create the area of the story first. From mountains, cities, towns, cave, caverns, water mass, etc. Then go and add details to the land and mountains, streams, rivers, trails and roads Then I would mentally build the cities/kingdoms and towns, streets, buildings/castles, homes. Aim is always to get enough detail to paint a consistent picture of the area your charaters are in but do so without boring the reader of the details. Best way I found out is to already lay out the entire map with tons of details (sometimes mimicking real life places or mix matching real life place) then in the explanation of area my characters are in I will be able to describe the area in the views I want them to be seen without having to create the place as I write out the scene. I approach my characters the same way. I believe over 80% of them all will have detailed accounts on their past life. Also I will have a psychological sheet on each of them to keep me refreshed on their tendencies and personality traits. Also will have their goals (or lack there of) listed. Have a good list of skills is important too, as well as how their mind works. (Smart, dumb, witty, wise, etc.) After character development, I will list out my plot, some need to happen events and starting writing. As I write I use the charater sheets to determine how my characters act in a situation and determine an out come. Or if I want/need a certain outcome I make sure to have the proper characters in place to achieve it. That is my advice going forward, other than the prolog of the story generally works best if it explains a prehistory of the area before the actual story begins.
Good summary, but even corny and out of the wack summaries can make great books. Just ad even great summaries of a base idea can make a horrible book. All depends on your imagination, ability to create a good hook, how you prepare, how you write, and how much you are able to make it entertaining. Best way is to read and learn from other writers and just keep writing. I always write short stories and I have 1 book I am developing. Anyways, best of luck bud [/color]
Yeah but rusty your witty, smart and dont post giant walls of text that make me wanna rip my eyes out.
Great advice rusted thanks! I did draw up a map earlier but it does lack detail. Mainly locating the five kingdoms, cities, and forests. I will probably draw up a much more detailed version on the computer since I'm terrible with the pencil
I am also debating whether or not to do a singular main character plot or do multiple character plots to show what is happening outside of just one man. I tending to lean towards multiple plots. I have heard nice reviews on this way of writing but I enjoy it. Anyways, if you have read the Way of Kings series those books are laid out in a multiple plot story.