Sneak Peak of: Cyber Wars 1: The Run of Destiny

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Mournful_Assassin, Dec 18, 2010.

  1.         The Cyber Wars
       Book 1: The Run of Destiny


    Prolouge:

    I woke up to the sound of the breakfast bell. There was no light in our room, if you could call this dank disgusting hole a room. This was the moment Leo and I had been planning for 3 weeks. It was time to make our escape.

    * 3 weeks earlier *

    "Run! They're onto us!" I yelled frantically, sprinting as I did so.
    Note to self: dont run from the police while not looking forwards. I smacked into the guard's chest. He asked to read us our rights, But I already knew them. He took us to court, where we pleaded guilty. This was our 6th "offense" meaning a life sentence. They threw us in the hole of a jail, Burkland Metro Jail. 

    *Present Day*

    We heard the second Breakfast bell, meaning time for HSP* to eat. A guard shuffled in our cell, a tray in each hand. We raised our rocks and hit him in the head, knocking him out. We haddent, However, Accounted for his partner, whoraised the alarm. I picked up the unconscious guard's data card and cybersword. I immeadiatly engaged the second guard, knocking him unconscious with a simple strike to the head from the Stellalite ball on the hilt of my sword. I ran up to the terminal, gesturing for Leo to come. I handed Leo the data card, and he quickly scanned it and proceeded to hack the console and release all the other prisoners. We ran, and ran, and ran. At the exit, there was a band of 4 guards. All of the prisoners proceeded to trample the guards and run. Me and Leo headed a different direction, though. Instead of going "home" to that horrid adoption home, we ran to the forest, knowing we could never turn back.

    End Prolouge

    More coming soon!
     
  2. *HSP= High Security Prisoners
     
  3. please post feedback :grin:
     
  4. thanks TJ
    I litteraly came up with this 1/2 hour ago and spent that whole time writing lol
     
  5. Needs some editing tho
     
  6. Kinda hard to follow
     
  7. i know
    any help would be appreciated
     
  8.  like it
     
  9. Coolio I likes it 
     
  10. :grin: if u want to all of you could help me with ideas and I'd give you credit
     
  11. :grin: that was my first kaw story ever
     
  12. Impressive, I'm writing my first story too
     
  13. heres a tip wright it in the notes app and copy paste it
     
  14. It's rather confusing. You should clarify some things, such as age of the protaganists, time period, location, and their rap sheet. Some of it just doesn't make sense. But good start.
     
  15. thanks for tips rusty I'll add them in full version
     
  16. What I mean by rap sheet is like what kind of crimes they were committing. Obviously one doesn't go to Max security prison for stealing an orange, but it'd be good to clarify the characters level of bad-assness