It's a good quality piece of writing with enough description and a good voice. However (here comes GlooMi RAWR) Description of the characters is sometimes not enough. Great description of Enito, poor description of the other two. Again with the description lolz. Sometimes you don't describe enough. For instance what does the village look like? What class is Karen? Is she a commoner, or what? Why does Enito live outside the village? Also there is little incentive. There is nothing about the beginning of the chapter that grabs the readers attention. At the end there's not much that makes the reader wish to read the next installment. You need more cliffhangers and such. Finally... (this is the last paragraph I promise) your use of 1st person narrative is confusing. You randomly switch from character to character occasionally forgetting to put their name under the chapter. Also the introduction of the "evil character" is a little random and gives us too little important information. Also having so many points of view may end up backfiring if you can't create suspense because the characters all show us everything. I apologize if you feel that I've come down on you hard. I'll admit, I have. I do not do this as a discouragement to stop you from writing, on the contrary it is necessary for writers to take criticism, however difficult it may be. Keep writing every day if possible, if only in a journal, for only through doing can you improve. Good job and good luck this is GlooMi signing off. P.S: I will be watching
No thank you gloomi for the criticism I was waiting for it.... I didn't realize it was confusing sorry and the descriptions will come soon enough. Karin will be described probably next section and Kronos will when he comes up again. I did that so that people will wonder what the characters are like... I hate cliffhangers as a reader so I don't put them in