Showing not telling. Every writer has heard this time and time again, but I never really understood the true meaning of it until today. My friend likes to write stories, but he tells you everything. Here's an example of telling: I live in werewolf cave on the border of Michigan. This is not dangerous for me because I carry a shotgun everywhere I go. 20,000 ghosts live in werewolf cave, 54,000 vampires live their, and 12,000 werewolfs. I must go to vampire city in Ohio to see my cousins. Not exciting at all, but that is almost exactly what his story said. Here's my version: Walking out of werewolf cave I felt the sun shining on my back, drying my damp t-shirt. I stretched my stiff arms and legs, then stiffened. I tightened my grip on my shotgun, and in one motion I swiftly turned around and shot the werewolf behind me before it could get any closer. The silver bullet plunged straight into his heart killing him instantly. I turned back around and glanced at the early morning sun. I begin to walk in the direction of the sun, for I must meet up with my cousins in Ohio. A lot more interesting, see? Let your reader experience what your character experiences, instead of just telling them what happens. Just a refresher for those who already know this, and for those who didn't, I hope I helped. X's and O's, Lady
Also, you made no reference to you being a vampire, or being in Michigan, or why there are so many supernatural beast in one cave, or how you got there, or why there's ghosts, or why you have to visit your cousins.