entree I- Betrayal 3 years ago , Shadow, my mother , was killed by Gandor. I will avenge her. " You don't know how you betrayed me !"I yelled at Ice, my sister. Perfect by nature, Ice, wanted nothing but power. So one day , Ice, decides to take that power for herself , she then grabs her katanas and goes to find her sister. " This will end here and now Ana . It cannot go on" said Ice to me coldly . " Bon voyage Ana !" said Ice coldly to me . Then as i never remember it Alaximas clashes in full battle with Ice's katanas. T'was a ferocious batlle but i was losing. entree II- Gandor's mistake " I won't fail like you did father, mistakes i cannot afford to make " Gandor said maliciously . later back in the forest. Ana slashes at Ice with Alaximas while Ice uses her katanas to fight. " You can run from me Ice, but you cannot hide " I said maliciously to Ice. Ice coldly replys , " I don't need to hide from you Ana" " HASTA LA VESTA SISTA " said Ice coldly. With that i saw only nothing but a blur of silver movement. Then I lay dead on the floor by Ice. entrees III- X coming after i get back from NJ
What I meant to say is that you jump way to quick between topics/ideas. Slow down a bit and describe give sone thought