I don't see why you posted on my forum "GRAMMAR". I was about to post, "Hey nice story", but i don't care anymore.
Bro I think you should start pumping chapters out a little faster because that a long gap into between them
Seriously. You are rude, and need to learn a lesson. Don't be so pissy when you talk to people. You aren't going to have a whole lot of followers with that attitude, just saying.
I feel like there is too much diolague (is my grammer good enough? ) in the story, and not enough description. Will post more comments later, though it seems interesting.