I've decided to start a new story. It is set during the D-Day invasion. The main character is Jake Shaefer (my grandpa) Hope u enjoy the preview!
1 My stomach lurched as our landing craft sped towards Omaha Beach. An officer announced that we would be landing in a few minutes. All around me were men who were about to liberate France from the Germans, or die trying. Some of them were loosing their breakfast from sea sickness or anxiety. Some were praying to whatever god they believed in to keep them alive or to keep their family safe if they died. I just sat and gathered my bearing. I am Corporal Jake Shaefer. I'm a member of the US Army. I'm from New York. I joined the Army to get away from the quiet town I was born in. God I miss the peaceful quiet. I miss my family and friends back home. Then I realize that an artillery shell hits the landing craft next to us. We had arrived at Omaha Beach and the only way we were leaving was in a body bag.
Lol it's not bad try to give it a more personal feel by putting more emotion in it just my opinion good start though
No I haven't actually and I plan on making it more emotional an talk about what happens an the emotions expressed by the ppl thi was just an intro to the character rlly
Used a lot of I's towards the end so I would suggest grouping a few of the sentences. Needs a bit more emotion as well, but other than that you're fine so far.
Ok guys my grandfather actually never fought on d-day he was on iwo jima. I'll post a preview to give u an idea of how that story will go and I'll have u guys vote for whichever one ppl will like
1 I was sitting in the cramped quarters of a ship just of the coast of Iwo Jima. The people in command say that if we capture the island, then we will be able to get fighter escorts on our bombing raids of Japan. Honestly, I don't care. It's just another fight and, hell, my orders are to fight it. And I don't want to go against orders. Anyway, I was sitting in my room when one of my buddies tells me to get up to the deck and see what happened. So he an I went up top and saw the island. Some guy handed me a pair of binoculars and yelled, "Look at the mountain peak! Isn't it beautiful?" I took a look and, sure enough, I saw one of the most memorable things in my life. There, on the top of Mount Saribachi, was the Stars and Stripes. I swear some men were crying with joy, but to me, it was a bittersweet celebration. This mention that I was going on to the island and I might bot make it out. I've heard all about the how fierce the Japanese are in combat an I really didn't want to go against that. But orders are orders, and like it or not, I'm going to have to go on that island if I'm ordered to. And, sure as hell, those were my exact orders.