So I have decided to start a new story after seeing a picture on Photobucket. In this story, Soul is rich and Maka is a maid. Heheheheehe let’s see how this turns out. Of course I do not own Soul Eater or its characters and anything else that is usually put in disclaimers. Please comment and tell me what I should edit and give me some feedback! Sorry for typos too. :3 Now on to the story! "Master Soul please wake up it's time for breakfast..." the usual housemaid said in a weary tone. In a large king sized bed with deep maroon sheets lay a white haired boy. Slowly, red piercing eyes met with the old maid's weary ones. "What the hell do you want?" a masculine voice asked, cracking from non-use. "Have you forgotten what today is, young Master? Today you get to pick your new personal maid out. I have lined up all the candidates and they are waiting for you so I suggest you hurry up and get dressed." Moaning, the white haired boy slowly arose from his bed and went to his closet to take out his favorite pinstripe suit. After throwing on his clothes he pulled back his hair and made a small ponytail. "Fine, I'm ready. Let's just get this over with. So troublesome." he said while walking out of his bedroom door into the intricately decorated hallway. In the hallway were pictures all over the walls of Soul's ancestors. People Soul has never met before who are still alive were on that wall as well, people he probably would never be able to meet. Why should I care if I meet those bastards? I'm perfectly fine not being in the main house. I don't need them. They can have Wes....they don’t need me....only because... "Master Soul, we are here. Please pick wisely because this girl will be spending a lot of time serving you." "Yeah, I know." A butler who stood next to a giant, intricately carved door opened it when he saw Soul and the old maid coming near. Inside were all of the candidates for the young master to choose from. He walked through the doors and before him were five girls in maid outfits all in a straight line bowing down in front of him. "Now let's start with the interviews. Candidates you will step forward one at a time and let the young Master interview you. Now number one step forward and let's begin." The first candidate was a tall girl with black hair pulled back into a long and high ponytail. She bowed in front of Soul and waited until she was told to rise. Soul sighed. He hated when people waited for another person to tell them what to do. He would interview this girl but most likely he wouldn't pick her. "What's your name?" "Tsubaki." She said and bowed again after saying her name. “Mmhm, you can step back in line now, Tsubaki," he said with his eyes closed, not noticing the last bow she gave him before stepping back in line. Candidate number two stepped forward and went right into introductions without even waiting to be asked. "Hi!!!!!!!!!! I’m Patti!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she said with a lot of enthusiasm. Patti leaned in very close to him, pulled back, and started laughing her head off. Candidate number three then came up to Patti and grabbed her by the shoulders. "I'm sorry about my sister," she said to Soul, “she’s always like this....I'm Liz by the way. We'll step back in line now." Liz finished with an awkward smile. Soul just stared back, confused at what just happened and not knowing what to say to the sisters at all. Finally the last candidate, a girl of middle height with blonde pigtails and big green eyes came up and bowed in front of Soul, but unlike Tsubaki she didn’t wait to be told to rise. She also didn't start introductions without being told to like Patti. "Your name?" Soul asked. "Maka Albarn." She stated simply. "Let me interview this one alone, okay Oba?" Soul asked the old maid. "As you wish, young Master," she said while escorting out the other three candidates. "Now," Soul said "why did they pick you to come here today? And do you really want to be someone’s personal maid? Don't you have anything else you want to do in life than be a maid?" "My family has been serving your family for generations and that is why they picked me to come here today. They thought it was time for me to work. I truly don't mind being a maid for some one. If my family has done it for generations, why can't I? And I do have something I want to do but it's a secret," she said, answering every question in the exact order Soul stated them in. "I see. Well then..," he said while getting closer to her, "starting today you are now my new maid!" he said with an evil gleam in his eye. Well that's the end of the first chapter!!!! It took me a while to write this. xD Please review and comment on this story, I'll appreciate it!!!!!! Thanks for reading!!!! :3
I know we just came out of a recession, but don't skimp on the commas LOL just kidding. nicely written, Noe <3
You may just get yourself into the Elite Writers of FanFic. Great story so far. One of the Elite, Cheese.
You've attracted one of the members of the Oligarchy of Writing (Cheesemuffin) and now you've attracted another. (FeatherHunter Myself) You've got lots of potential! I think you'll do and be great here. Check clan chat cheese.
ヾ(◠‿◠ ✿) nice story! Here's the editting you asked for: (>; ⌒-⌒)> Note: Only necessary changes will be listed- not my OCD changes xP Note2: Commas that are required will be represented by "(,)" "What the hell..."... voice asked(,) cracking... "Have you forgotten what today is(,) young (M)aster? (I assume it's capitalized since you did so later on in the story) Moaning, the white haired boy slowly (arose) (arised isn't a word xP) "Fine(,) I'm ready..... "Yeah(,) I know." ...giant(,) intricately... (lol gaint xD) He hated when people waited for (another person)... (noun/pronoun agreement) He would interview this girl but most likely (he) wouldn't pick her. (noun is required here i believe...) "Mmhm,... in line now(,) Tsubaki(,)" (he) said with his eyes closed(,) {NO "and" HERE} not... ...Patti!!!!!" (s)he... (no capitalization) Patti leaned in (very) close to him(,) {NO "and then" HERE} pulled back(,) and started... ("really" is improperly used here... Even though i use it like that around you privately it isn't actually correct xP) Soul just stared back(,) confused... "Let me interview... alone(,) okay (O)ba?" (I assume that's a name) "As you wish(,) young Master," If my family has done it for generations(,) why can't I?" ...but it's a secret(,)" (s)he said(,)... ...new maid!" (h)e said Whew.. Sorry if all of that seems mean ;-; i would give you a 96 on that if i graded it!
HOLY.. I didn't realize my grammar was that bad. ^^" And this is basic grammar too. (/).-) Time to start correcting then... :< Thanks for this, Bunni. xD
Noe rules lol that is EVERY error though. Most people do worse in my class it's pretty much all commas and quotes xD the two most confusing parts of the english language there are a lot of things i would've done differently, personally, but i dont mess with the creative mind GREAT job <3 you're talented ^.^
Noe rules lol that is EVERY error though. Most people do worse in my class it's pretty much all commas and quotes xD the two most confusing parts of the english language there are a lot of things i would've done differently, personally, but i dont mess with the creative mind GREAT job <3 you're talented ^.^
Haha, thanks for the encouragement. <3 I may write more in between classes and during lunch when I'm bored. xD Hm, I might write one during the first day of school when we're not doing anything. o.o
Love it and the original show god damn them for not releasing it to America aside from expansive ass Netflix (which is only expansive cuz idw pay for it) looks like I'm goin to friends house B) P.S Anyone want this sexy kitty? She's free!