Need help criticing this story need a name and a opinion

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by CALIFORNIA_SKATER_GIRL, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. New Found Life

      Early in the morning awakened by a 
    Crow Anna peers out her window only
    To find metalic creed wariors aproching 
    quickly she reaches for her bow as 
    They creep ever closer suddenly they 
    Break into a run without thinking anna
    Fires an arrow into a knights neck 
    Crumpling to the ground one knight
    Is halted 4 more continue on their
    sprint. Shooting off another arrow into a leg she then retreats out the backdoor just as the remaining three 
    break in. 

      Running faster and faster Her heart beat slows eventualy. Now walking, she looks for a shelter. Spoting a large tree and some good wood Anna smiles and says to herself out loud "well things are looking better and at lest I don't have those guys still after me." 
     
      then feeling two hands on her arm she knows she's in a pickle. The brutes quickly wrestled her the ground. kicking and screaming she resists but they hold her down then the smaller ties Anna up and they heave her on a horse they then the horses gallop untill they reach a camp with a couple hundered people. The larger man puts her in a tent then leaves. 

      Remembering that she has a knife on her side she quitely rubs the rope on it  
    untill it snaps a guard bursts in and draws his sword Anna outmatched with only a dagger grabs a torch 
    the guard slashes out at her. Parrying with the torch and stabing with the dagger her combatent is dead. 
      
      Anna silently crawls away from the camp. She spys a horse that she moves toward. A guard turns her way she closes her eyes and hurls her knife.
    Bulls-eye hit him perfectly she thinks 
    "I impress myself somtimes." hurrying to the horse, jumping on, and riding away "I'm now in the free" 

      Anna rides untill she reached a tavern. Inside a man is telling storys about the land they are in. Out of curiosity she starts to listen 

      "Before your time __ united a strong group of warriors refered to now as metalic creed. He united them in the hope that they would one day rule every kingdom" 

      "Wow........." Escaped anna's mouth
    "But why dosnt someone try to stop them" 

      "Some have" said the story teller  
     
  2. Maybe a idea for a better story from the story teller and I'm having trubble coming up with the next part
     
  3. Gonna try and finish within a mounth
     
  4. Hmmm.... Im fair..... Thats not exactly my type of story. Its weird....originall but i think u cud get a better story line
     
  5. The last bit is fantastic tho:) love it
     
  6. The story is good. But there are numerous spelling mistakes...and fix the grammar too...
     
  7. Not a great speller lol
     
  8. I need a name for that __ space I have

    And If you see anything that could be better just post all coments apriciated