My story I woke up in my house in the city of Amber. The city of the strong. I live in a family of four; my mother,father,little sister, and myself. We live on a farm with crops and animals. We get our money hard earned by trading with others. My name is Jake. Let me tell you a little about myself. I am 15 and carry around 2 throwing knives and dual knives for faster movement. I have a reputation for a good fighter. I spend time training or hunting to help feed my family. Is this a good start? I'm not good at storys...
Hmm. Mind if I post here? If your gonna introduce your character right off the bat like that really make us feel like you ARE him. What's your farm look like? What do you look like? Why do you carry around knives? What are your relationship with your fam like. What's the city like? How is it ran?
Pnh I couldn't think of anything else it took me 10 minutes to decide on just one that seemed decent...
Here's my 2nd try Rate and comment My story I woke up in my house in the city of Amber. Amber is a brutal city you have to be ready for any attack. It's full of the strong and wealthy. Full of alliances and traitors! I live on a farm with my father,mother and my with my little sister. Here we have cows, pigs, chickens and dogs. We have corn, onions, peaches, carrots and lettuce. We earn our money by trading our crops and selling our animals. I'm Jake a fifteen year old boy who has a reputation of speed and brutal. I carry around two throwing knives and two knives for dual wielding for quick fighting. I have a small reputation for my ways of fighting. I spend most of my time setting up targets and taking them down. I teach myself new fighting moves and I hunt to help my family stay alive. I also visit Derek for trading in the animals I hunted. Just so you know Derek is in charge of illegal trading. He is 27 that dressed in gray alot. He has his choice of weapons; a crossbow and 3 throwing knifes. Me and Derek are good friends and he gets me good deals to help my family.
I'd like to see you say instead of two throwing knives and dual knives: I carry two short knives that are really accurate when thrown, but once they have been thrown in battle, well, they're gone, so I also carry two larger knives(a short description of what these knives look like) Also, Derek and I
It might be better if, instead of having a monologue about yourself, you explain things about yourself when they're relevant. Like when you meet someone that knows your reputation you talk about it or you describe Derek when you first go to see him. Say what crops you have when you have to work out in the fields. That sort of thing.
Cause u have potential and u have some sort of experience cause u gave riri or whatev his name is (no offense) very nice pointers