Oh sorry, I accidentally posted on your story. I didn't see the feedback post until now. Very good, but watch your description and paragraphs/indentations. I know I'm one to speak, I over do the indentations too. But with the description, when you're describing someone, I always tend to keep it to one paragraph. Otherwise, one gets the effect of multiple objects being described, not just one. But yes, very good, just keep an eye on your grammar! Keep going!
Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, my English teacher really gets at me for that! I'll work on it! Thanks! Han x
I have posted a new bit but I posted it before I read your feedback so there might be the same problem
Very good! Yea I know it gets very annoying when no -one (except queen!) posts any feedback. I had a story called Emily but I called it "EMILY please read!" and ppl thought I was asking an Emily to read it :lol:
Make longer chapters, with more detail and description. A bunch of shot chapters looks disorganized and choppy. Other than that, good job