Prologue: It happened two years ago. Everyone was just minding their own business when we saw it. Then, everything went dark. This was nothing we ever saw before. The bomb killed everyone outside and almost everyone inside due to the fumes. I thought smart, though. I grabbed one of my dad's gas masks. He works for the nuclear plant. He had a bunch of them in the basement. I hid behind a couple of boxes and stayed there. The windows were already sealed air tight in the basement. I quickly looked behind me and the boxes. My friends were passed out. I was a little dizzy myself. Our city became more advanced over the years. Scientists found a way to clear up all the nuclear radiation very quickly. But sometimes, it was too much and people from other cities have to start up another migration. A migration is when people volunteer to come and start up civilization in an abandoned city. They had to do that because we were caught in the middle of a nuclear war between us and Italy. It started 2 years ago. We were at four years now. It was a back-and-forth kind of thing. But no one in America wanted to do this. We were forced. And innocent civilians were being killed at least twice a month. A lot of them. And whenever we were bombed, it was unexpected. We had no warnings, no signals, no alerts whatsoever. This was simply a hostile takeover that only the Italians would perform. But no one ever expected this. And i was only 16 when this happened. About 10 minutes after the ambush, i passed out. And did not wake up for 2 years. I'm Yesinia Alison Carson, and this is my story.
Your tenses are horrific, to be totally honest. You have the potential to go places with that concept, though.
It's a bit choppy. Try to use transition words instead everything being a new sentence. Also, fix you tenses. That being said, I am intrigued and want to continue reading.
Chapter 1: The Finding My head hurted, my stomach grumbled and my mouth was dry. But i was finally conscious. I woke up to someone saying 'wake up, come on,wake up'. I opened my eyes. I was sitting slightly upright. My head was hoisted on someone's knee. My gas mask was off, i had scratches on my arms, and partially blind. All i saw was that bright light, like i was gonna die. Instead of living in Hell, i was unconcious in it. I tried to turn my head, but the end result was unsuccessful and very painful. My neck was stiff. I looked up. One person was staring down at me. "She doesn't look too good." said one person. A female. "Well, she's waking up, isn't she? In fact, she's awake." said another person. This person was close to me and male. Probably the person who had my head on their knee. "Barely. Look at her eyes. They're grey. "Cath, half the survivors' eyes are grey. She just needs some TLC, alright?"Io
. I opened my eyes wider. I really did have grey eyes. It was common among my family and the population of North America. The guy holding my head noticed i was even more awake. He smiled at me calmly. "Hello. Can you speak english?" he asked me softly. I nodded slowly. I could speak english and italian. I was choosen to learn in case we had to become translators if we got captured for labour camps in Rome. "Of course she can speak english. She's obviously American." said the female. "You woke up in a bad mood today, didn't you?" he said. "I do when you drag me to things like this." she said. "Go practice your metal bending. There should be some appliances in the house." he said. The female scoffed and rushed off. He sighed and looked back at me. "Say something, please." he said. I opened my mouth, but my lips were so dry. I coughed and raised my hand to touch my throat. He nodded. "Are u thirsty?" he asked. I nodded. He sighed. "Can you get up and walk?" he asked. I tried to move my legs. I successfully moved one, then the other. He helped me up to my feet.. I was a little unsteady, so i held onto the wall for support. The guy wrapped his arm around my waist to help support me. Then together, we walked to the kitchen.
cont. I saw the female sitting on the counter, touching on the coffee maker. He sat me down in one of the chairs. He got a glass from one of the cabinets and went to the sink. "Cath?" he said, "let's practice with the faucet." "Whatever." she said. She hovered her hand over the faucet. Then, she closed it in a fist slowly. As she did so, the faucet came on and yellow water came out. Oh my God, how did she do that? When the glass was full, she opened her hand slowly. Then, the faucet exploded violently, splashing water and peices of metal all over. "Damn it." she said. "It's alright. I know that part's hard for you." the male said. "I swore i did that right."she said. He walked over to me and handed me the water. I sipped it gingerly, then cleared my throat. "Say something now." he said. I opened my mouth to talk. I knew exactly what i was going to say. "How did she do that?" i asked. "What, with the faucet?" he asked. I nodded. "How long have you been in a coma?" he asked. "I've been in a coma?"