My book/ feed back/ help

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -AppleSauce-, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. Ok I'm writing a book but I've only gotten 2 chapter prologue title
    But I don't have a book description
    So I'm experimenting would u read it if it said


    The last great king ,hero of the Ishaval war has succumbed to age, with the throne now open and no heir, lords and other appointed officials now fight for the throne thus for ending the era of peace and diving into a mire of chaos and death. Little benownst an ancient evil is awakening and will take a nation to defeat it otherwise ruin shall fall before man.....

    Feed back its most appreciated
     
  2. This is a joke. Two sentences is not worth posting feedback.
     
  3. You, sir, need to pull your head out of Mommy's ass and go back to kindergarten. Your grammar, to be honest, sucks. I couldn't tell what you were saying half the time.
     
  4. Stop now we have heard enough.
     
  5. Ummm... No just no. That isn't a good intro

    As the last king of blah, blah blah, has fallen and the kingdom is in chaos, a great evil is growing in the darkness that will take one full nation of strength to defeat
     
  6. off top of head I can make it better if I had time
     
  7. How bout this one fer another book


    20 years have past since the beginning of the uprising and its come down to a bloody stale mate between the United Rebel Front and the United Plantary Sector Corpse So The U.P.S.C has devised a daring plan to to end the draw and push the rebels back to there base of operations and hopefully stop the blood shed but will the lives be worth it?
    Rumors of An all or nothing attack had been circulating among the troops. Sergeant Luther Buckly and his men Figures its there best chance for the glory they signed up for.But there dreams will be crushed as The U.R.F unleashes its attack of its own
    The bio-weapon.....
     
  8. better but, Plz don't tell me it's called the UPSC it reminds me of ups too much